this is beyond with heatherash where we examine near-death experiences and life
itself hopefully making this life a little better Hello everybody welcome and
welcome to my guest Heidi bar hi Heather how are you I am fabulous Heidi I am so
happy to have you here today I've been so enthralled with your story I heard it
from another one of my guests and that was John Burke and I also have read your book and it was amazing and we'll cover
some of the stuff today that's in your book but there's a lot there so I would encourage people to get it um and we'll
talk more about that coming up but Heidi you had a near-death experience when you were 16 years old and everybody wants to
hear about it I know I want to hear about it so just take us there and step us through what happened to you I always
feel like this is the candy part this is the the treat it's the really good stuff
um I was had always loved horses and when I
was 14 my father took a horse in trade from a person he did work for the the
individual didn't have a lot of money but he did have horses and he gave him a horse and I loved her her name was
Heather which uh I love the flower Heather so uh on the day in question I
had driven out to the ranch I had turned 16 just that April and this was end of
April early may I brought my sisters with me because they like to hang out at the ranch and I
decided to ride by myself normally I would ride with a friend but she was sick that day she had a horse too at the
she got a horse the same time I got my horse so I took off on my own which was not a problem and when I came through
the barn with my horse I retrieved her from The Paddock came through the barn and a gentleman was arguing with his
wife over whether or not he could ride her a rap Ian mayor um the Arabian mayor was really hard to control she was very
bad tempered whenever I had to walk near her I tried I tried to avoid her as much as possible because she would kick or
bite and the only person I'd ever seen riding her was this woman and even then I would avoid them if I was ever on the
trails and she happened to be on the trails at the same time but I just ignored the argument took Heather
outside to the Hitching Post groomed her and hopped on her back um she I was
riding bear back I didn't have a saddle so so I I took off on the trails for
about an hour uh Charlie the Ranch owner had about 500 Acres of trails and in
fact his Ranch is still open and he still runs it and uh I it was it was a really nice day it
was partly cloudy it wasn't too cold wasn't too hot it was just a nice spring day and uh not humid which is typical of
uh Iowa in the in the summer but it was still not humid and after about an hour
I decided to come back because I thought my sisters are probably getting bored so I turned and headed back towards the
barn but I stopped partway on kind of this overlook this area where I could
just stand and have a really nice view I could see my sisters I could see the barn I could see activity happening
around me or below me and I suddenly heard hoof beats and I knew exactly what
that meant that meant that the man had won the argument he'd taken out the Arabian mayor and he was out of control
and she was racing back to the barn so I had nowhere to go I was kind of at a a
dead end and I thought okay most of the time when horses are out of control they
race back to the barn she will turn down the trail towards the barn and avoid
me um but she didn't and I saw her come flying around the corner the man had
dropped the RS I actually thought I hope I hope she doesn't step on the RS cuz 's going to flip and he's going to get hurt
but I thought okay she'll she'll turn the corner and head down to the barn but she didn't she came straight towards me
and I thought she will see my horse and she'll stop she'll calm down but she
didn't and I thought she's she's going I I thought to my in my head what do I do
do I get off but I really had no I had nowhere to go either if I got off I was afraid she might trample me so I thought
thought I might be safer on the horse so I stayed on Heather's back but the horse kept coming the Arabian mayor kept
coming and as she approached really fast at a fast Gallop Heather reared up the
first time she reared up she came back down but this horse pretty much clipped Heather came within inches of Heather's
rump before she turned around the second time Heather reared up she stepped off
the sloping Hill flipped over backwards on to me so I could see you know I was
holding on to her main I could see us going backwards I I knew she was going
to fall across my body and the minute her back hit my chest I left my
body I was 30 40 feet up in the air I saw my body I saw Heather roll over my
body and I was tossed like a ragd doll that's the only way I can describe it I look like raggedy
an um I knew I was dead and I was okay I
wasn't worried about myself I was concerned about my horse I wanted to make sure she was okay and I saw my
sister's my little sister screamed and covered her face with her hands my other sister was already in the car and she
was staring out the window of the car with a look of horror on her face and I thought I wish my sisters didn't have to
see me die that was my one thought at that moment and as I thought thought
that I saw a light over my right shoulder it was a golden light flowing
over my right shoulder and it was Illuminating everything in front of me and I knew it wasn't the sun because Sun would have been higher in the sky this
was afternoon 3 or 4:00 in the afternoon it was actually 3 something 3:30 right right around
3:30 which is weird that I even know that and because I don't wear a watch
and um I turned to look and there up in the air with me was a man and he was smiling
at me and I smiled at him and I recognized him immediately and he moved forward until he was right next to me
and I said I know you which is very odd because I'm Jewish raised by an atheist
father and an agnostic mother we never I mean our only discussions of God in the household were to deny his
existence and I knew this was Jesus I recognized him instantly
and um he I mean I I was just so happy to
see him he was so happy to see me it was just great reunion I I was ecstatic to
see him and he showed me I KN I had known him my whole life he showed me a
Life review right then he kind of held out his hand and when you're having a Life review it's it's interesting
because there's no time and you see all of your life at once I saw all of my
life at once like a 3D movie but it was sequential but it was also all at once
and I could relive every part of it not only from my perspective but the perspective of everyone I was
interacting with and I I realized as I was watching my life
that I jesus wasn't judging me he was comforting me as I judged myself as I
judged my own actions and I was actually a pretty good kid it's kind of interesting because he he wasn't nagging
he wasn't finger pointing he he just showed me things he showed me how I
affected other people how other people felt regarding what I did or
said he didn't talk about all the ways I had been hurting myself using drugs
hanging out with some pretty with a pretty rough crowd doing very self-destructive things I wasn't a bad
person I hadn't deliberately set out to hurt people but I realized my words and my actions
affected far more than me that in fact they affected people forever they were
kind of permanent and um I I was
really it stopped me in my tracks because I didn't want I I realized as I
was watching this I didn't want to ever do anything like that again but at the same time that while we were watching my
life there were some really funny moments in my life and he and I were laughing our heads off um I saw him from
the time I was formed in my mother's womb I saw him with me talking to me when I was a baby I saw him all through
my childhood um he was always with me he was never not with me and after we had
after I had this Life review he took my hand and I always I wish I could
describe it better because it was like flying like I always say was like Superman and Lis Lane in the original
Superman movie when they were flying but it was surfing because we were riding a
wave of light there was a wave of light under our feet and I could feel it tickling the bottoms of my feet so I
know my feet were bare I had feet um and I looked down and I could see my feet
and his feet his feet were also bare and uh it was the light was made up of all
colors and it was pushing us faster and faster we were
I I recognized things and places and trees and I recognized Earth for a while
but very quickly we left Earth and kind of zooming through the universe it was
just this really wild ride I saw Stars I saw a Galaxy I
saw um just the vastness of space and we
were going faster and faster and faster and Jesus actually looked at me at one point and he said this is so cool isn't
this cool and I was like yes this is the coolest thing I have ever done it was
the most fun I've ever had we just we laughed and we
chatted all the way through this journey we were chatting the entire time now don't ask me everything we said because
I because I can't remember but we came to what I can only describe as a
threshold and I know that a lot of people say there was a threshold they
couldn't cross this particular threshold I could cross with Jesus and as we approach that
threshold I realized that in before we before we approached
the threshold there was individuation I could see individual things as we approached the
threshold everything became one thing and that one thing was God and I
realized there is no place where there is not God God is everywhere he's
animates all things so I I got that and as we crossed the threshold I saw a
light and it was beautiful it was infinite in its
scope and it was blemishless and that's the word that came to my mind blemishless it was perfect and the light
was alive the light was love and and the next thing Jesus took
me directly into the light directly and the next thing I knew I was sitting on God's lap and this was God the father
but the only way I can and I have no words to describe this but Jesus was there
too and I was sitting on God the father and he was a really big God and I was like a toddler sitting on his lap he had
his arms around me I had my arms around him I tried to sneak a glance up to see his face but I couldn't see his face it
was shrouded and I was just kicking my feet like a little kid and I have never felt
so loved I was I was loved I was accepted this was my father this was my
father Jesus was meeting Jesus was like meeting my father my brother my best friend all rolled into one this was my
father and I sat there on his lap with my face buried in his chest I never wanted to
leave I wanted to stay there forever and I God kind of
moved somehow he indicated to me that I should lift my head which I
did and here is this infinite God he took up every space there was no space
where he wasn't but what you have to picture I'm trying to make put it in
human terms is this infinite really big God with this infinite really big white
robe extending infinitely in all directions through time and space and he withdrew a portion of his
rope like really far away infinitely far away he pulled back a portion of his robe so I could see
something and first I Saw Grass which the grass was almost the best thing next
to God the grass was the coolest thing there it was this perfect green living
grass and here I was infinitely far away and in real life I was nearly blind but
infinitely far away and I could see every single blade of grass in this infinitez Meadow if I could have counted
every blade of grass I could have counted them that's how clear they were and I'm staring at the grass just
fascinated by this grass because it's green but it's the essence of green it's
actually real green so I realized as I was looking at this grass that the grass
we see here on Earth it's green too and it's grass too but it's a reflection of
the color of the grass in heaven and I looked a little further and I saw flowers just everywhere flowers
but the flowers I kept focusing on my eyes kept coming back to were these really dark blue purple flowers like
kind of similar to iris's and I could see every part of the flower every
little vein every the Piston the stams even grains of pollen I could see every
part of the flower and I looked a little further and I could see a a grove Grove upon Grove of trees
and I I was focused on this infinite number of trees they were like kind of
like Aspen trees and they were quaking yet I could see every leaf on every tree and every Vein on every leaf on every
tree as if it was right in front of my face and I realized the flowers were moving the
grass was moving moving the the leaves were moving but there was no wind they were all moving in the light of God and
they were all alive and the most remarkable thing is they were moving to the song of the grass the
grass was singing the Praises of God and everything was moving in that light so
as I looked further I could see this pathway um
winding around through the hills through the trees and it it was started out kind of narrow kind of like the yellow brick
road in The Wizard of Oz started out kind of narrow and then widened and I could see people coming towards me but I
couldn't make out any faces and they were singing They too were singing the Praises of God it was like the same song
as the song of the grass and at that moment Jesus said Jesus was right there
he appeared right next to me and he said you have to go back you didn't die
that's what he said he I kind of felt like I didn't die enough but he said you
have to go back you didn't die and I looked at him and I shook my head I said no I'm not going back and I buried my
face in God's chest and wrapped my arms around God again and I was not going back and Jesus said you didn't die you
have to go back and I said no I'm not going back finally he took my hand he pulled
me off God's lap and he just said you didn't die you have to go back and I started screaming at him I'm not going
back I'm not going back I'll feel pain I'm not going back but he took me back
and this time there was no flying there was no fun it was just bam right above
my body so here I am with Jesus right above my body and I could see Charlie the Ranch owner kneeling next to my body
he was crying and he was praying I could see my sisters crying there was chaos everywhere he had actually uh had
brought my horse out which I had seen before I left the the area which before Jesus and I left I saw that Charlie had
hopped on my horse and ridden out on her when she went back to the barn and
um I didn't want to get back in that body I didn't know how how I was going to get back in that body I was kind of
laying on my side and Jesus just took me and shoved me in my body it was almost
like being vacuumed and like um and once I got in my body I I
hit my I I flew I he shov me in so hard I hit my face I actually hit the inside of my skull and I have never felt so
claustrophobic in my entire life it was the worst feeling to be trapped in my
body but Jesus was in my body with me the only way I can describe it is to say
he's because this is what struck me at the time he smoothed my arms into my arms he smoothed my legs into my legs he
made me whole again but he was still in there with me and before he left he said
your life is in good hands which I actually said to him what about everyone
else isn't their life in good hands what what do they chop liver and then he just started laughing he smiled at me and I
knew what he meant which was come good come bad whatever happens in life your
life is in good hands and he left but he left me with he left
but I still still felt him there I still felt his presence and I managed to I
didn't know how anything worked in my body I honestly didn't know how to do anything but I managed to take a breath
and crack open an eye and I said Charlie and he just said thank God thank
God threw me over my horse which was a bad thing but he was panicked he was
very panick stricken and uh put me in the car drove right past the hospital
took me me home carried me up to my bed and uh it wasn't till the next day when
I still couldn't walk that my mom realized I was in pretty bad shape and uh I ended up in the hospital for quite
a long time I did not get unfortunately didn't get appropriate care but I healed
anyway which you know basically God healed me that's the only there's no other reason I should have healed I had
a lot of a lot of very serious injuries and um I was back in school by
that fall I was on crutches for a long time but I that's that's the story
that's the basic story it changed me I knew the minute I woke up and I did tell
my little sister when I was laying in bed and she stayed with me I told her everything that had happened but it was
pretty difficult to talk at that point and in the hospital my parents came to see me the second night I was in the
hospital I told them everything that happened which uh didn't make them happy but here we
are and what is so remarkable about your story is that you were Jewish you were
not a Christian and yet Jesus was the one who greeted you and I knew exactly
who he was I knew this was Jesus and I knew that IID known him my entire life I'd always prayed I had believed in
God um even despite my parents disbelief I had believed in God because I I the
world to me even as a child didn't make sense without God and when Jesus was showing my Me My
Life review I saw that when I was praying and I had the sense that God was sitting right by the head of my bed
listening to me I saw that Jesus was indeed sitting right by the head of my bed listening to me and it is
so interesting so fascinating to be with Jesus watching your life review and
seeing Jesus with you as a child so you've got both Jesus's there you've got
Jesus with you in the present when you're dead and Jesus showing you that
he was still there in the past it it's just it's very interesting it's not
something that's easy to describe and at the time you didn't realize that it was
Jesus who you were praying to so what does that say to you in terms of the
paths that there are to Heaven well Jesus said something to me when we were
at some point in my um when I was with him and he actually took his finger and
he wrote it on my heart and it's very hard to explain and a lot of people will misunderstand but he said something like
all paths lead to truth all roads lead to God or all roads lead to truth all paths lead to God now he didn't mean
everything anything goes that's not what he was talking about what he meant
was in the end he is the truth and you will see him you will face face him and
in the very end it took me a while to kind of I had to read my own scriptures to see what our own prophets and our own
scriptures talked about but in the end everyone will face judgment the
living and the dead God God will judge the living and the dead and that's what he was talking about he
wasn't saying I don't care what you do you do whatever you want on Earth um
you're all going to go to the same place and I knew I knew that wasn't the case because I actually had this vision of at
the time Hitler and Anne Frank and I I
knew they weren't that the there was a difference between how we lived our life what we did and
I it's I wish I could describe this better but no I I learned I I won't
number one I won't judge anyone and as a hospice nurse which I
am I don't know what's in anyone's heart at the end of their lives sometimes people can tell me sometimes they can't
so I'm going to assume that Jesus is there waiting for every single person and until the very
last microsecond nanosecond so I simply will not judge
what people are doing in their heart and in their soul in their last
minutes I won't So when you say we're judged is that more in terms of how we
live out our life and how we treat other people uh yes I I got the distinct
impression that Jesus is really concerned about how we treat other people he he's also concerned about how
we treat ourselves and how we behave but the interesting thing was he didn't when
we were having a Life review and he was showing me things he didn't say quit smoking quit using drugs
it that seemed he he didn't seem to be worried about that he was concerned about how I treated how I viewed God and
how I viewed other people how I treated how I related to God and how I related
to people that seemed to be his concern his two concerns which is interesting since that
is scriptural but I hadn't even read I barely read my own scriptures I didn't know anything about the New Testament I
I had a copy of the new testament which I mostly kept to irritate my parents but
I hadn't really looked at it so I didn't know what he'd said I I mean that was
the New Testament was almost like if you touch this book your hand's gon to burst into flames in my house so H it wasn't
something I I read I just thought like what my dad said my if you read my book
you know that my dad said Jesus Christ is the greatest hope ever perpetrated on mankind so that stuck with me until I
actually met him and then I knew he wasn't a hoax and so when he said there
are many paths I'm trying to understand what he meant by that well he said actually what
he said is all paths lead to truth all roads lead to God and okay he and my
impression was not that every single path leads to God
my impression is that in the end when you die you will see the truth of your
life the truth of your actions and the truth of God the truth of Jesus and
there's no avoiding that that's what you're going to see and you'll what happens when you see Jesus
or when you see whatever happens I I don't know it's not something I have
it's not something I can explain easily I understood it very clearly when I was dead yeah when I'm alive and I don't
want to mislead anyone and say everything all leads to God just be
a good person in a one would hope that being a good
person will count for something that's what one would hope and pray that being a good person in the end will mean
something but I can't say that I don't know that I didn't Jesus didn't tell me
you can be anything you want and I will still now he did say you can be anything you want he'll still be there for you
but I don't know what happens after you die so I
honestly the honest truth is Jesus didn't show me what happens to other people he showed me
me that's all I can say and yet you were Jewish yeah it was weird I'm Jewish I
shouldn't and that's something Christians have said to me and I am a messian Jew I'm still Jewish but I
believe that Jesus is absolutely the Messiah our Messiah and the world's
Messiah um so uh Christians have said to me but you shouldn't have seen him
because you weren't saved well no I wasn't saved at the time but who's Jesus going to save if not the
unsaved that's we we need to be saved more than anybody and I think that he
because I didn't people people will ALS say also say well why didn't you see more well I didn't die enough I was dead
but I wasn't dead dead I wasn't permanently dead so I didn't see
everything but it did change my life and I think the proof is in the
pudding if you die you have a near-death experience how
does it change you what what do you do with your life when you come back that's
the most important thing I knew my life was would never be the same and it wasn't easy my life has not been
easy um since since that moment but Jesus is still there Jesus is always
there and he's been there for me well even before I knew he was there for me but he's been there for me with me being
aware of that since I met him and to me when I hear about the transfer
that you and really all the other people that I've interviewed to me that right
there is the proof that something profound did indeed happen it wasn't
just our brains um it wasn't something that we were deceived but it was something very real it was the it was
more real than this it was more real than talking to you it's the most real thing that's ever happened to me in my
life this is real Earth is real we're here for a purpose we're here for a reason God has a purpose for
us but Heaven is more real than anything I've experienced
ever so um yeah it does change you and I knew that the moment I came back I'm
actually working um on another book to kind of expand upon how it changed me
because in this first book I I continue with a few years after um my near-death
experience but I don't get into the the changes that happened there were some immediate changes and then there were
some changes that were longterm nothing happens overnight but you you
change a as you mature b as you learn more and C as you you read more um Jesus
did tell me which I I can't place it in the linear sort of
time frame of being dead but at one point he held a book and told me to read
everything I could learn everything I could about not only life but him but
about God and it was this white book and I was kind of thinking because in Judaism we have a concept of the book of
life that every person has a book of of where all their deeds are recorded So I sort of got the notion that that was my
book that he was holding um but I couldn't put it in I
don't know when that happened and when you're dead time is different and for me
either I had all the time in the world or there was no time it simply didn't
exist so I had no idea how much time passed for me it was an eternity with
him with God but I think on Earth maybe five minutes no more certainly no more
than seven minutes had passed and I I think it was right around five minutes and I've checked with my sisters and
they think it was right around five minutes that I was dead said well Heidi
I have a lot more questions for you I want to find out more about um what Jesus looked like um some of the
experiences that you had with him while you were there but let's go ahead and take that into part two okay thank you
once again I am just blown away by my guest I so enjoyed talking to Heidi what
an experience that she had I'd love to hear your thoughts and what you thought was the most most interesting part of
her near-death experience because there were so many things I thought it was fascinating that
she was riding on the waves it was so much fun she said the funnest thing
she'd ever done in her life uh just that was really incredible and then the fact
that you know she sat on God's lap and just her description of that there were
just so many things so tell me what stood out most to you I love hearing
your thoughts on this and then also of course if you liked it give it a like I always appreciate that as well or if
you're not sure what to say you can always just type in made it which let lets me know that you've made it this
far in watching the video so part two is
I think extremely interesting too because it's just packed with more information and of course I'm going to
ask her in part two what does Jesus look like and she gives a lot of details from
head to toe what she saw with Jesus and we get a we get into a lot more there's
the Life review there's so many things that we discussed so I do hope that
you'll come back for part two thank you everybody for being here I really appreciate
it thanks for joining me I'm beyond with Heather Tes please add comments and questions you'd like future guests to
answer also if you liked what you heard please hit the Thumbs Up Button And subscribe that'll help keep this podcast
going you can also go to Beyond with Heather Tesh to look for more episodes
this is beyond with heatherash where we examine near-death experiences and life
itself hopefully making this life a little better hello everybody thank you so much
for joining me and thank you so much to Heidi bar hello Heidi hi thank you for
having me oh I really am enjoying our conversation for those of you that are just tuning in now in part one Heidi
talked about her near-death exper experience and boy um did she have an incredible one where she met Jesus she
met god um so many factors did some really fun things um when she was in
this heavenly space so I'll have a link to that in the description but you can also stay right here and then go back to
that later because we're going to talk about some of these things in a bit more detail Heidi one thing you said in your
book and you were talking about this really fun experience first of all in our last segment about you were surfing
on a wave and in your book you said something like Jesus seems like the kind
of guy that you'd want to have a beer with oh absolutely he's fun he's
hilarious he jokes he laughs he loves life he probably loves life more than
any human being alive he's he's just great he's your best friend best guy to
be with in the world I have heard that that from other people that have met him in a near-death experience and then also
Heaven sounds like a blast as well heaven was beautiful at least what I could see of it I didn't get the full
tour I know some people get to see a city or a gate or something I I
saw probably what meant so much to me was nature I love nature I
spent you know my childhood was mixed but in some ways it was idyllic we lived
right across the street from this big forest and I spent most of my childhood in the
forest running Barefoot I love nature and God showed me the nature of
Heaven which was absolutely amazing I still to this day plant things in my
yard that remind me of heaven and uh yeah Jesus is just the most fun guy you
could ever meet yes he is relatable he's approachable and the sense I got if this image I
think this image will make sense to people Jesus is like God putting on skin
and walking through through life if you remember that you you Pro a lot of people probably aren't old enough but
let your fingers do the walking through the Yellow Pages that ad where some hand put a glove on and walked through the
Yellow Pages there was just a disembodied hand with a glove on walking through the yellow page that's what it struck me as Jesus was
God putting on skin and walking through life with us this is because otherwise God God is
approachable but he's still kind of unfathomable fathomable Jesus is M Jesus is like us
he's uh a lot bigger than us he's a lot greater than us but he's still like us
so we can relate to him and he can relate to us in very human terms it's I
don't I think we would um be be pretty o overwhelmed by God if he were to show up
it would I don't I don't know that we would survive truly if God were to show up it's kind of like Mount siai where he
was very incredibly powerful and obscured by clouds mostly and yet what's
interesting that you and other near-death experiencers have challenged God have
challenged Jesus and and you did not want to go back and I I find that also
refreshing that you know we can sometimes I guess push back I mean not
that we're going to win but it's okay to do that yeah he he didn't seem surprised
I didn't I really didn't want to come back he didn't seem surprised but he wasn't going to let me stay there and I
I wasn't entirely sure I kind of thought I was supposed to die but God changed his mind that was my sense that I was
really supposed to stay there I really did not want to go back but I I felt like uh I had I had made a promise to
God when I was a kid that I would not do to my children what my
parents were doing to me and I kind of felt like he was giving me the opportunity to keep that promise and I I
did keep it so yes I I think God all
through the Bible God remembers his promises to Israel and I think God remembered my promise it's sort of in
existential terms and spiritual terms but yeah he sent me back and um totally
changed my outlook on life I never I was became immediately the
minute I woke up even though I was really severely injured and I was in shock I was very engaged in life and uh
and I've never been disengaged since so life is really important to me and it's
I somehow ended up believe me I didn't I didn't become a nurse because all my life ID wanted to be a nurse that had
nothing to do with it I that was that's God in the machine and I I like because
I still don't even like the sight of blood but you know I became an intensive care nurse Cardiac Care nurse and then
went into hospice and loved it Heidi a lot of people want to hear what Jesus
looks like so can you describe him to us I can I can describe what he
I can describe what I saw he's 5'9 510
maybe slender has beautiful hands beautiful feet I he was wearing kind of this robe
and I didn't see his wrist didn't see his ankles but I saw his feet and I noticed he had long toes I have long
toes and I thought he has long toes like me he had a beard it wasn't long but he
you know like kind of like a beard like my husband has I could he had whiskers
mustache um his hair was about this length and it was more of a chestnut
brown and wavy with some lighter streaks he had a broken nose which just
struck me as interesting I was stared at his nose and I was fascinated because it
it was kind of pushed to the left slightly and at the time when I was
staring at his nose I didn't know from anything I'd ever heard I didn't know
about his beatings before he was crucified I didn't know he had Brothers I didn't know he had a
family and I just looked at him and thought Oh one of maybe one of his brothers punched him in the nose when he
was a kid because it looked like someone had broken his nose he had um the most
beautiful eyes they were when he laughed they crinkled in the corners and turned up at the corners and
this was something I didn't want to tell anyone for a long time but he had blue eyes he had the most brilliant blue eyes
I've ever seen and I could not look away from his eyes because they were so filled with
joy it was high cheekbones um just a
beautiful face it you would have called him a handsome man but he he just he
just had a beautiful face and his face would have been beautiful regardless of whether he was handsome by
our standards or not but the the most important thing
was I there was so much joy and love coming from his face and his eyes that I
didn't want to look away from his face and it was when we were traveling I missed a lot of stuff
because what I saw was what I saw FL flashing behind him I was staring at his
face the whole time most of the time and so I if I saw things I saw them as we
were flying by them because I was I was looking at his face so I was looking at things over his shoulders and um man
gorgeous smile just a smile that just makes you fall in love with him he truly
is love incarnate that's the best way I can describe him beautiful man you also
of course met God you sat on his lap and that was interesting to me because at
first first you saw the light you felt the love so is God both a person and also
this energy I think God can be whatever he wants to be I once read a book
about um the power of God stored in a basement and someone said how can how
can you keep God In A Box in your basement and and the other character said well if God chooses to be in a box
in a b basement he can be in a box in a basement he God is a whole lot of things
that we will never understand and yes he was light and he was love it's Liv a living
light but he was also had a human form I literally was
sitting on his lap like a child sitting on her father's lap so yes he had a lap
and he had his arms around me and I could feel that and the the warmth and
the love love and the acceptance coming from God is is beyond compare it's it's
just it's you can't come up with enough words to express that love that feeling
of love and acceptance and belonging but I as I said I I couldn't see his
face and I kind of figured okay that's probably a good thing so I think God can
be a whole lot of things but he's not just one he's he's
he is not you can't pin him down he's not one or the other he's all those things at once hard to explain I know
but he is all those things at once I think we often try to put human
characteristics on God and you just said you know God is so much bigger than we
can imagine can you elaborate on that a little bit he's well God is beyond God is
beyond my understanding even Jesus is although Jesus is more
relatable because Jesus looks like us in totally but if he if he wants to I
suppose but think of you have to think of
something that always existed that was pre-existent that has all of the
knowledge and the power in the universe that's everywhere at all everywhere all the time that's beyond time and space
because I did get that sense that wherever I was wherever I was it was
beyond time and space there it was somewhere else but at the same time it's
here on Earth too we're it's it's everywhere in the universe God permeates
everything he's everything in the universe so hard to
explain I loved a line in your book book because you said the immensity of God will bring us to our knees it's true I
he's a really loving father and I got that sense but I think if I was to
actually if God was to actually manifest on Earth as he did for the ancient Israelites on Mount Si I think we would
be overwhelmed I don't think humans are meant to truly experience that kind of
power at least not in as we are currently formed that kind of power is would be
actually scary and I think we should I mean awesome in the sense of being in
awe of that kind of power and there were lots of in episodes in the Hebrew Bible
where people were killed by that power so you know people accidentally
who approached say the ark we're were killed by that power I don't know what it is I I I know when I was dead
everything made sense I didn't have any more questions why are we here what is the purpose of life what happens after
death I didn't have any more of those questions they were all answered immediately I totally understood everything when I came back I didn't
understand I I knew that I I remembered that I had known the answers but that's
it I didn't remember the answers I didn't remember the explanations did you remember feeling
Satisfied by the answers even though you couldn't remember them yeah I remember feeling oh this totally
makes sense this makes complete sense I don't I I understand I don't have to
worry about this but when you come back to life and it made sense to me that we
we shouldn't have that information if we had that information what would what would we do with it here we were're here
to live this life and learn and seek people seek God figure things
out so if we already had it figured out we' just like kick back eat popcorn and watch TV and that would be really
boring and a waste of time one thing I find interesting is so often there's such a duality of like a couple things
almost are true at the same time and um in your book you talked about God being
everywhere but you also said this which I thought was really interesting so I'm G to have you explain what this means
you said you realized as you reached a threshold that all things became
God yes I realized that but at the same time Jesus and I were still
individuals but everything was one
thing and that one thing was God but at the same
time there was individuation Within that one thing
and this is what's so hard to explain I realize
that God is everywhere in everything there is no place in
this universe or wherever Infinity where he is
not but I mean that was just it was such a big thing to
realize and I I I can't explain it better other than that sentence I
realized and I I'll have to say it in the negative again there is no place in this in this universe or in our lives
where God is not he's everywhere all the time in
everything and that's about the best explanation I can give it if you if you have a more directed question I'll try
to answer that but I understand even the questions are hard to come up with a a question about this well I think what's
comforting too in what you said is a lot of people feel alone mhm but I think they have to remember that even when
they can't feel God that doesn't mean God isn't there absolutely he's always there and there have been times in my
life growing up where I felt alone I felt terribly alone and I felt I knew he
was there but I felt like I I turned from him because I didn't want him to see
me and he you are never alone I a lot of the
patients I've taken care of have described their death Visions or described I had one person in particular
describ to me what was happening as he died both two actually two who who described what was happening as they
were dying and they had somewhat similar experiences to mine they did die and
stay dead but yes God was with them at the end and God was with them what did they
say that they saw well the first man and this was when I was in coronary
care was dying had barely a heartbeat we tried coding him and didn't work which I
knew it wouldn't work and he was talking to me after everyone cleared out of the
room and he said I said I'm so sorry I'm so I know how hard that was because he
was still semiconscious while we were coding him because his heartbeat was like seven beats a minute
and he said it doesn't matter I didn't feel it I'm up at the ceiling watching you he said that to me and I realized
okay he's experiencing exactly what I experienced and I said well least I can do is send you to heaven clean so I got
all the gunk from the code off of him and just sat with him and held his hand until he died I had another patient who
had had a stroke and I was sitting at his bedside his um daughter he was at his daughter's
house and his daughter had had this big trip to Europe planned with her twin boys and the father was supposed to go
but he'd had a stroke so we sent them off and I was waiting for his other
daughter to arrive and he suddenly sat up in bed and he said can you see it and
he pointed at the wall at the bottom of his bed at the foot of his bed and I said what do you see and he said that
beautiful Meadow can you see it and I said no I can't see it but I I believe
you and he said the grass it's so beautiful and then he said my wife my
wife is coming she's coming out of the light can you see my wife and I said no
but I know she's there and he said I'm going home I'm going home to God and I'm going home to my
wife and then he looked at me and he went don't call my
daughter and then he laid back and died and he was just so sweet and I ended up
just resting my head against his and I think we were both there for an hour
before the other daughter got there but um I didn't want to interrupt the
trip so I didn't interrupt the trip to Europe that she was taking with her twin
sons and it was just really remark i' I've experienced some very some so many
remarkable deaths in hospice so many beautiful people that that's why I say I
don't always know what's going on in someone's heart or Soul so I won't judge God told me not to
judge I am not the judge you know I think that's really interesting too
because you weren't condoned by Jesus you didn't feel judged
you felt like you judged yourself yet I do find here on Earth that there are a lot of people
that tend to judge um other people for their beliefs
thinking they're incorrect when maybe we all have to take our own path I I judge
what's right and wrong for me based upon what I learned when I was
dead and yes I do have I'm not going to participate in something I think is
wrong and I try really believe me I am not perfect I so not perfect
I am perfectly capable of getting mad I'm capable of being impatient I'm capable of being really crabby
especially if I don't get enough sleep I've yelled at my kids so I'm not perfect but I do judge I do
have a con I have a pretty strong concept of right and wrong but I try not to judge what's in
someone else's heart and soul and what the right path is for them because that's between
them and God I can if somebody asks me as you're asking me if somebody asks me
questions about what happened to me I'm more than happy to tell them what happened to me and if they want to know
more I I'm not a clergyman I would direct them to a clergyman they could read the Bible they could read the New
Testament the Old Testament but I um I try really hard and it's not always
possible not to judge the heart and soul of another individual and I also learned
too that there is evil in this world a
lot of evil in this world um and I
pray for that I pray for those people too who are caught up in that even even those Souls God doesn't want anyone he
doesn't want to lose anyone to to evil he doesn't want people
that's we're not supposed to be evil I don't think he created us to be evil
that's just the way I see things and so I I pray for those people and you know I
pray I think about I think about what I do every day I think about okay you
could have done this better I don't obsess about it but we're never going to
be perfect but we can be better that's just the way I look at it I I know in
your book you use the words that Jesus doesn't nag or scold no he doesn't and I
think that's really powerful because it teaches us I think how we should act and like you were just saying you know
prayer is a a much more powerful thing that people can
do I I've prayed my whole life even when I was a little kid I would pray don't
ask me how I knew about prayer maybe uh a grandmother taught me about prayer I
don't really remember but it seemed innate it seemed easy to me prayer to me
was like talking to God and I I pray every day I view every
action as a prayer and sometimes my actions suck sometimes I'm sometimes I'm
you know I'm not always the best person I can especially if my
if for example if you have ever had kids involved D in sports you will know that
sometimes you don't agree with a coach and you might have an argument with a coach I do that I will do that I'm very
protective of my children I'm but part and part of that is a reaction to the
fact that my parents were not protective of me so I'm quite protective of my children but um yeah I in
ultimately I try really hard not to judge we're going to see a lot of weird
stuff in this world the way I look at it is and I think I put it it's at the very end of the book If you think if I had a
whiteboard I would draw it if you think of God's plan as being a circle but it's
an infinite Circle and every step we take no matter what
choices we make are with are in God's plan and the plan just shifts as we make
our choices but it's all still part of the plan that's the sense I got when I was dead
we make our choices we have free will all of that Free Will is contained within the
plan so the plan shifts a little bit when we make choices so we all have a plan for
our life but then within that plan we can make our Free Will choices yes
that's what I see we're well God has a bigger plan too and we're all in that
plan um but yes we totally have free will within that plan we make our choice
we make our own choices absolutely in your life review you said that you
learned that everything we do and everything we say impacts those around
us can you expand on that a bit well I had one episode that Jesus showed me
because I really wasn't a terrible kid I was a normal kid and there my father was
driving another young man who was a few years older older than me and myself to Hebrew school after school and I was
very tall for my age he was very small for his age and I just looked at him and I said why are you so shrimpy now I
don't even know why I said that and he just kind of curled up in the a corner of the back seat of the
car and I knew I had heard him I knew in that moment I had heard him and I
thought uh okay yeah but I won't say that again but I'll just ignore it but
Jesus Jesus showed me that and he showed me how those words my words impacted
that young man that they actually I could feel his heart shrinking within
his chest when I said those words and I felt absolutely
terrible so I realized whatever we say whatever we do
affects the people around us it we can Crush people with words it's not just if
somebody's punching someone it's our words are are hurtful as
well so um I kind of I'm never going to
succeed entirely but I try to watch I try to be conscious of what I'm saying how I'm relating to other people and the
other thing I learned and this took me a while to learn was to let people in I'm very self-protect effective because of
my past I tended to build up a lot of walls and a lot of those walls
evaporated because of Jesus with that near-death experience a lot of those walls evaporated and uh at times I've had more
walls because other bad things have happened but they then I work through
that they evaporate but you know everything every single step we take in
this Earth does something affects someone affects some aspect of
life and I try to keep it as positive as
possible but you know I loved the fact that Jesus didn't nag and he didn't finger point he wasn't a nagging parent
he was just I knew when I came back I wanted to be what he wanted me to be there was
there were just overnight I stopped smoking I stopped using drugs I stopped hanging out with the kids I was hanging
out with it was it was a no-brainer I woke up and I was like okay that's done
I'm never never doing that again I didn't even have to think about it it was now part of me that I wanted to be
what he wanted me to be and it's been a process but I'm hoping someday I'll get
there I'm still in process well we've alluded to this with some of the things that we've said um
but we haven't talked about the details of your child hood and I want to
recommend your book because not only is it an extremely detailed near-death
experience and everything you saw and the things that you went through and God
and Jesus that you talked about but it also is a really fascinating story of what your life was like before this
experience and that transformation that you talked about so it's called what I
saw in heaven and it really is um Incredible Book so I appreciate you writing that it it really is you know a
gift to so many of us well life isn't easy for anyone even
if someone tells you their life is easy I'm don't know that they're telling the truth maybe they would like to believe
it's easy I experienced a lot as a child and uh and as an adult and my
relationship was very strained with my parents but you you learn in the book
how we sort of resolve things at the end of their lives it's it's it's really a
tragedy in a sense that it had to take the end of their lives to resolve our
conflicts but it worked out the way it was supposed to work out
and uh both my parents have you know they died within the the past two years
and I'm fine which is really really remarkable I feel
like I feel like God was with me and it helped me immensely to get through a lot
of stuff and to see that I don't have room for animosity I don't have room for
resentment I don't have I don't want to waste my time on that and yeah it was a
struggle at times to deal with parents who were very self
focused and um you know my
my dad I know um John Burke and I talked about this and and he my dad never
lifted a hand to us and he could say and with all honesty I never lifted a hand to you he
didn't what I experienced was different than that it was there was a lot of emotional abuse a lot of spiritual abuse
just a lot of neglect my sisters experienced some of that as well well we
all had our own role to play in the family and I will never speak for them but
um I'm good I'm fine and I
don't I don't have regrets I I guess one of the things I learned is one of the things I learned
through Jesus is I have to I have now I have today I
don't know what tomorrow is going to bring so I'm grateful for today and that's what I learned about with
death that we anything can happen to anybody at any time we don't
know so put my faith in him and go from
there and I think gratitude and that appreciation of just living the now really is the key to living a happy life
Heidi it's been so great to talk to you if people want to get your book or you
know find out more about you where should they go my book will be available on Amazon through Baker books uh Barnes
& Noble I think almost any place that carries books will have hard copies
paperback copies probably ebook copies are available as well and um feel free
buy it's just it was an interesting book to write because I started writing it
the day my dad went on hospice and I finished it shortly after his
funeral it the word sort of poured out from me and um
I read it I would love whoever wants to read it read it just appreciate it for
what it is and enjoy it it's it's a book of struggle it's a book of reconciliation and it's a book about God
and I I just want to thank anyone who buys the book and thank you for this
Heather this is really really sweet of you to do this interview oh my gosh this is so my honor I can't
tell you how grateful I am to have heard your story to read your book and then to get the opportunity to just dig into it
more and ask you questions about it's it's really a treat for me and I know it's a treat for the viewers as well who
are really grateful to also hear your story thank you Heidi if you have or do
you have any words of wisdom or any parting words that you would like to leave with the people that are listening
right now there's hope that's what I learned I
grew up hopeless I grew up feeling hopeless that there was no hope in life
that we were doomed to live this life die and become nothing but dirt there's hope there's Hope and Faith
and everything we want in God hope is probably the most important
gift God can give us and when I came back from the other side of death I had
hope makes a huge difference in my life thank you Heidi and you do write it WR
about that very beautifully and again I I've so enjoyed your book so I want everybody that is listening to know that
and Heidi I just thank you again thank you so much for being here being with me today and and sharing your story with my
audience thank you Heather thank you it's been great once again I just have to say how much I enjoyed talking to
Heidi I found her to be fascinating I loved all of the information that she
shared all of the detail in her extraordinary near-death experience and
for those of you that jumped in at part two and you haven't watched part one yet I'll have a link to that in the
description but you really need to because it's just wild all the stuff that went on during her near-death
experience but um there were so many interesting things that she'd cover that she did Cover so I'd love to hear your
thoughts on on some of the things that she said and experience what stood out to you the
most and if you'd rather just say I made it that's always nice to hear in the comments just so I know that you made it
through this episode all the way to the end I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you being here
watching my channel it really does mean a lot to me and also you know many many
thanks to all my great guests because I've just so enjoyed talking to people like Heidi and everybody else so thank
you again everybody and I hope I will catch you in the next episode thanks for joining me on Beyond
with Heather Tesh please add comments and questions you'd like future guests to answer also if you liked what you
heard please hit the Thumbs Up Button And subscribe that'll help keep this podcast going you can also also go to
Beyond with Heather Tesh to look for more episodes
Intro
I began to talk to God again after not talking to him for four years
and after my parents didn't come to see me until the next second day I was in the hospital and they walked in the room
I told them what had happened my father turned pale as a ghost didn't say a word left the room
my mother said oh honey we imagine lots of things when we're unconscious he said I wasn't unconscious I was dead and it
was the most real thing that's ever happened to me [Music]
Guest Introduction
hey friends we have a very special guest today with a topic that is on the hearts and minds of every single person in the
world at some point in their life death some look at death as a part of life others the inevitable they'd rather not
think about and some are actually haunted by the thought their entire life Our Guest today Heidi Barr is a hospice
nurse and author and is also a Jewish believer in Jesus today she's going to be sharing with us about her personal
experience of death and what brought her to Faith In Jesus hold on to your seats it's going to be good
hey Heidi it's so great having you here hi Jeff it's nice to be here yeah thank
you so much for being here I'm excited so I just want to jump right in so as a Jewish woman what was your childhood and
family life like and and how did you as a Jewish woman come to put your faith in Jesus
Raised in an Orthodox Community
I was a Jewish kid and as a Jewish kid I was raised in an orthodox Community it
was a relatively small Orthodox community of about 150 families in Iowa
it was strict Orthodox we had separation of men and women women were upstairs balcony behind a curtain I loved it we
didn't have we didn't have pews we had dabbing benches kids got to run all over
everything was kosher the ark was in the middle of the room downstairs
um I love the Traditions I loved being Jewish it was really fun I loved SIM
card Torah I loved Forum I loved pesoth I have loved every single Jewish
Festival and I loved being part of that Orthodox community and it never struck me as odd that the women were upstairs
in fact I think the women preferred being upstairs and a balcony behind a curtain
um that I was raised in a family that was atheist so here we were belonging to
Raised in a family that was atheist
this Orthodox synagogue and my father was not only an atheist
we were only allowed to discuss God in our home if we were denying his existence really he
hated God and I assume maybe he had some sort of concept of God because he hated
him but he used to say this was kind of a mantra that was repeated from the time I
was a small child and it was repeated daily there is no God there is no Heaven There is no hell
um you are an accident of science you are less your life has less significance than the tiniest most microscopic Speck
of dust in the universe um he he said Christians are weep they
need a crutch and they they fool themselves so I actually thought
Christianity was an entirely different religion and they worshiped an idol that Christians worshiped a statue and I I
had no concept of Christianity I had been to a church once I was in second grade and I spent Easter with a friend
and she took me to church the next day and I remember the pastor preaching about Jews being Christ Killers now I
didn't know what Christ was because I was really scared people would find that
I was Jewish yeah tell me um but we lived in this town where yeah
sure there were 150 Jewish families which gradually dwindled until there was just mostly our extended family
um but it was probably 99 Christian maybe more and so all my friends were not Jews and um
I but I did love being Jewish except that I had this weird dichotomy I had
I believed in God
this this weird separation that I was dealing with from the time it was a very small child I believed in God I don't
know why I believed in God I believed in God the god of Abraham always and my dad did not my mom did that my
mom I say in my hospice book my mom set a mean Passover table but she had no
concept of God and she could not discuss religion if her life depended upon it and yet I prayed she actually called me
her little nun I prayed to God every single night I talked to God every
single night but we our family situation was very challenging I know you said there was
love in your family you had a nice home you had I had a warm coat in the winter we had plenty of food but but our family
My family situation
situation was very challenging we I didn't grow up in a normal healthy
family with healthy relationships and when I was 12
after our synagogue lost its second to the last rabbi my father was president of the
congregation hired a new Rabbi who happened to be a pedophile who happened to abuse me and uh for a year during my bot Mitzvah
study and because this was an orthodox synagogue we had had to apply to a Dean
in New York to get permission to have a bot Mitzvah as opposed to a bar mitzvah
because the only boy remaining in the congregation was my younger cousin
so this was a really difficult year for me which kind of set off this spiral of
not talking to God getting into drugs
getting into a really difficult dangerous situations
until I was 15. when I was 15 my life was pretty bad and
I reached a point where um December of my 15th year I actually
prayed to God I hadn't talked to God in four years or three years I prayed to God
that he would kill me I prayed for death you know how you we say the Shema I
prayed with all my heart with all my soul and with all my spirit with all my power that I would die that God would
would kill me he didn't kill me then he killed me three months later
so you know be careful what you pray for because you might just get it he um
I was in a really super horseback riding accident and my husband who's a
physician was listening to my story and he's actually knows about it because he's known me since I was 14. but he
said I never listened to that part before where he said the horse fell across your chest really he said I think
he suffered commercial quartus I think or it was at the worst stopped my heart basically it's like getting hit with a
Line Drive in your chest um
so I'm gonna stop for a second pull myself together and I can tell you the story of my death which is actually
quite interesting I'm sorry no this is great um
I had always loved horses and when I was 14 my dad took a horse in
trade from he did some legal work for someone the guy happened to own a ranch and he owned a boarding stable so he
instead of paying my dad he traded him a horse now all I had was the horse and a hackmore which is kind of like a bit
kind of like a bridle I loved my horse she was young she was fast I have always
loved horses I'd been a horseback riding camp every summer since I was eight I loved horses
so I had I had now had my license I was 16 years old this was several months
after I prayed for death my life was still pretty miserable other than riding my horse
and I took my sisters out to the ranch in our big Oldsmobile green Oldsmobile
Delta 88 and um I was riding along that day I had a friend who had a horse also but she
couldn't come that day she had a cold so I was just riding by myself didn't really matter to me
um when I left the barn this husband and wife had been fighting over
an Arabian mayor the woman had a white Arab Arabian mayor and it was really difficult to control the husband wanted
to write it she said no they were having an argument I just left anyway I figured it's not my business I will head out on
the trails so when I left my 11 year old sister was playing with the mini horses
and my um 14 year old sister was in the car she's
allergic to horses she was sitting in the car reading and uh I took off went out into the
hills on Heather bareback I was gone for about an hour
and when I I thought oh my sisters are probably getting bored I should go back so when I came back and this was it was
late April I think it was around I'm pretty sure it was Rancher but I know it was after Easter okay when I came when I
came back I didn't want to get off the horse yet so I I moved off the trail onto this side Trail and just I was
sitting there I was sitting there just enjoying the day I had a nice view in all directions and I was very relaxed
just enjoying the day when I suddenly heard hoof beats and I knew exactly what
that meant that meant that man had won the argument he had taken out the Arab in the Arabian
and um she she was out of control so I had nowhere to go I was kind of backed
into a corner I had no way off this Trail where I was and I thought all right I'm out of the
way the horse will run back to the barn because that's generally what horses do
but she came around the corner just came flying around the corners he dropped the race holding onto the saddle horn for
The fall
dear life and instead of heading down to the barn she came towards me down the
trail towards me and I thought what do I do should I get off I I thought okay she'll see my horse
standing here she'll stop but she didn't stop and um I didn't want to get off my first
thought was if I get off I'm gonna get trampled I had nowhere to go I was going to get trampled
and I thought okay Heather will stay she'll control her she'll stand her control but I couldn't keep her under
control and she began dancing around in this narrow area and um the horse just ran right by us kind of
almost clipped us may have clipped aside he actually wasn't looking back and ran passed and Heather reared up
the first time she reared up I dropped the reins and grabbed her Mane and I just basically put my arms around her
net second time she reared up her back feet stepped off the trail and she
flipped over backwards onto me she fell across my body
um fracturing my pelvis breaking my back neither of those were fatal injuries they were bad but they weren't fatal and
falling across my chest crushing my chest the moment she hit my chest I left my
body and I found myself up in the air looking down
30 40 feet up in the air I was still me I watched my horse Roll Over My Dead
Body and I was tossed like a rag doll I didn't care my body meant nothing to
me nothing I knew I was dead I saw I could see everything in front of
I saw everything
me and I should not have been able to see anything but I could see everything I saw my little sister scream and and
cover her eyes with her hands I saw my sister in the car with her face pressed against the window
I could see the Arabian running to the barn with a man flapping on her back I
saw my horse roll over write herself which actually relieved me because I was afraid she
would be hurt and run slide down down the hill and run to the barn and I could
see in the barn The Barn Door faced away from me I shouldn't have been able to see in the barn but I could see the
commotion in the barn as all this was happening and the one thing I thought and I I
guess I said it or thought it aloud because when you're dead you're not really speaking but your thoughts you
can hear your thoughts your thoughts are basically allowed they're said aloud
and I said I wish my sisters didn't have to see me die that was my one regret
and when I said that I saw a light over my shoulder it was shining over my right shoulder and I
I knew Jesus
wondered how I hadn't seen it before but it was this Golden Light I was bathing everything everything in
front of me was bathing everything in this Golden Light was in the sun and it wasn't the Sun and I turned to look so I
turned to look over my right shoulder and there was a man up there with me and I knew him
and he came closer until he was right next to me and he had this big grin on his face and I said
hi I know you and it was Jesus
now he didn't say I always tell people there's they smell like I'm Jesus hear me roar
he was just Jesus it was just Jesus I knew him immediately Every Soul every
cell in my soul everything about me knew exactly who he was I should not have
the seeing Jesus why should I see Jesus I'm Jewish my father told me Jesus was
the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on mankind that's what he told me constantly and yet there was Jesus and
all I could think about was I knew him I had known him my entire life and I
loved him I loved him with everything in me
I didn't want to look away from his face I I mean everything else became peripheral
all there was for me was Jesus and his Jesus face that's it it's all I cared
about and you know I I don't I don't have a lot of I don't have the right words to describe
this and I can't tell you everything because I can't remember every single thing we
said but all I know is he is funny
he is Joy he is love he is everything good
in the universe in one person he's everything that is good and joyous and
happy and life-giving is in him and he
um showed me a lot I had a Life review within his presence he
he you saw your life I did yeah all at once it wasn't like he it wasn't like it went you know frame by
frame step by step a step it was all at once and I was 16 and you know let's
let's I was 16 and I knew about the Ten Commandments and other than lying to my parents to get out of the house to sneak
out of the house I hadn't done any I hadn't broken any of the Ten Commandments I hadn't murdered anybody I
didn't covet anyone's Goods I was a nice kid NM
but I still had a Life review and he could it was like watching this tape of your life except it was 3D and it was
alive and you were re-experiencing everything you had done and I saw him
from the time I was in my mother's womb forming I saw him sitting next to me when I was
an infant talking to me I saw him at every stage of my life he was always
there which is kind of weird to be having Jesus right next to you showing you your light and you're watching your
life and you're watching your life and your life with Jesus right and I realized when I had been praying
and I had been talking to God when I was a little kid I was talking to him it was
he was sitting at the side of my bed listening to me so he did there were a couple times he
When I had hurt someone
stopped the tape once we he stopped the day because there was a really funny scene and we both cracking up about it but
there was another time he stopped the tape of my life to show me when I had hurt someone okay and um
it was so to me so unimportant at the time but it was really important to him
there was my father was driving me to Heber school when I was 10 years old and he'd picked up a 13 year old boy take
him as well and I was very tall for my age and this this young man was really small for his age and they just looked
at him and sitting in the backseat in the car and I said why are you so shrimpy and that was such a mean thing to say
and I'm not generally a mean kid Anna I felt his heart shrinked in his chest I
felt the impact my words had on him so everything I did or said to someone else
if it was a good thing I felt that if it was a not so good thing I felt that you
know I'm sorry to interject but you know when they say the Sticks and Stones they break our bows but names will never hurt me they hurt so much names those names
hurts even more than Sticks and Stones I'm telling you they laugh and it Latin their wounds last for for a lifetime yes
absolutely and that's what he was showing me and I knew I didn't want to
do that again now does that mean I've been spent the rest of my life being perfect now I'm not perfect believe me
I'm not perfect I have three children and not perfect it's the same yes so um
you know but I realized what he wanted to show me was everything you do it it
doesn't go away it comes you're gonna take it with you um you're if you do good
if you do good it it lasts forever but if you do bad that lasts forever too you
know you you have to think about what you're doing here on this planet in this life you have to be
aware of that God is watching this is it regards you're in every way sin is real
you know it's not it's not it's not a it's not a um a societal concoction you
know sometimes I'm on I'm on streets talking to people I love I love talking to people and so I go on the streets and I interview them and we have these
really wonderful discussions and sometimes I ask you know you know what is sin to you and they'll say it's a societal Construction
to control to control us you know to make us to make us to believe that what we're doing okay right
yeah exactly and uh no it's real um sin is real and it destroys lives
I didn't have a concept of sin you before I died yeah I I did not have a
I didnt have a concept of sin
concept of sin because to me sin was murder that's a sin but at the same time I didn't think I'd anybody I didn't have
hope that anyone would be paid for that murder because my dad said there's no Heaven there's no
hell so it's just what you get in this life you get one go around that's it you're done you know so basically
Everything's Relative nothing really matters right and he he did say you
should be good for goodness sake so yeah but and and I don't I certainly wouldn't
want someone to say well okay so I'm gonna be good just to buy my way into heaven that's not how it works either
right although it's better to be good than bad but um yeah I I really learned I understood
every little thing matters he's God is paying attention to every single little
thing we do even although I was only 16 years old I wasn't excused I didn't get an excuse I didn't get a
note to the teachers saying please excuse Heidi she has a dentist appointment you know I that's just not
how it works but after this after the Life review I
was still dead believe me I was not paying attention to anything happening below us because all I cared about was
Jesus he was he was the only real thing to me
Flying
um he took my hand and we left and it I always say it was like flying and it
wasn't like playing if you know that scene from the original Superman Superman and Lois Lane when they're flying okay that's what we did but we
were surfing on a wave of light it was and he said he said to me this is so
cool and I was like yeah this is so cool we are surfing on a wave of light and
it's all colors underneath our feet I did look down at our feet because I could feel it he had bare feet I had
bare feet so I know that but um and I I mean we're he's kind of wearing this row
I know what he was wearing I wasn't really paying attention to what I was wearing but we were holding hands I had
my left arm stretched out and we laughed and chatted and talked about everything
as we're surfing it was it was the most incredible experience you know
up until then riding a horse really Galloping Awards across an open field was my heaven yeah this was Heaven this
was the most fun being in the entire universe to do this Jesus
and we were going faster and faster and I like speed and uh
you know I think he he kind of I've talked to I've since met other
people who had near-death experiences and I Think Jesus tailors our experience to what
we need and what everyone's experience is a little different right
a lot of people go through a tunnel or you know something and they come out and they see a light at the end I I had no
tunnel there was no tunnel this was incredible surfing if if I could say
surfing Through the Universe I would say we surfed through the universe and
we approached what I can only describe as a threshold and you have to keep in mind I'm trying
to describe these things in English that that are very difficult to describe so a
threshold is the only way I can it's the only image I can come up with where we approach the threshold and we
were going so fast that everything became one thing Jesus and I were still
separate and he was holding my hand but I saw that every that everything became one thing
that one thing was God he was in us we were in him God was everywhere there was no place in this universe where there is
not God the father no place and as we crossed that threshold
um I was there was a lighting I was in a light
so I'll try to get this describe this and it's so hard
this was a perfect white blemishless light and it took up my entire field of
vision it was infinite in its scope and it was alive the light was love and this was God
this was God Jesus took me into that light the next thing I knew I found myself
sitting on God's lap now I cannot explain
the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit I can't I'm not a theologian all I know is that in my life since this
happened I have known Jesus I have known God the father and I have heard the voice of the Holy Spirit
all I can tell you I can't don't ask me to give an explanation I can't but I found myself sitting on God's lap
and he is a big God and I'm like a little toddler sitting on his lap kicking my feet
and I have my arms around him he's got this arms around me I've got my face
buried in his chest and I couldn't see his face I I kind of
tried and his face was obscured I did not see it
all I can say is I have never felt so loved so cherished God was
every single molecule of love in the universe is God
he's he's got love and I could have sat there forever if you
would like if anyone would have asked me would you like to sit on God's lap for all eternity I would have said yes thank
you I'll just sit here probably Trinity that's where he wanted to be but God wanted to show me something
and how God speaks I don't know but I knew he wanted to show me something so you have this infinite God
the only way I can describe it is this picture
an infinite sized God wearing an infinite size white rope the the robe extends
infinitely in all directions covers everything there's nothing left but God
so I lift in my head and I looked in the direction he indicated I should look and
I it's almost as if in order to show me this he had to remove a portion of himself he had to withdraw a portion of
himself and the first thing I saw and you have to keep in mind which I forgot to
mention I was very blind on Earth I used to have really thick glasses I I could
barely I can read like this I I since have since have Lasik yeah I have to
read like this yeah so I had to read like this
so I'm looking infinitely far away and I can see perfectly the first thing I saw which will stick
with me until the day I die and after was grass it was
this beautiful green grass every I could see every blade of this
Grass
grass in this infinite sized Meadow every single blade was so perfect and so
precise and the green was the green it's like the green here but it's the the
real green the green here all the colors here are a reflection of the colors there wow so
I'm looking at this real green this is a living brain um and I look a little bit farther and I
see flowers and these flowers there was one particular patch of flowers that that
caught my eye and they look like irises they were this beautiful blue purple
and um I could see every part of the flower I could see every vein in the petals I
could see every single part of the flower and the the colors again were these are living colors these aren't the
colors they're the same colors here but they're living colors they're the heart of colors they're the essence of color
and I looked farther and I saw Grove upon Grove of trees like um think about
quaking aspen trees I could see every tree every Branch
every leaf and every vein and every leaf and every tree and this is we're talking an infinite
number of trees here and I could see every Vein on every leaf on every tree
and I realized everything was moving but it wasn't wind
the grass was singing the grass was singing the Praises of God
and the flowers and the trees were moving to the song of the grass
and that was it was it was God moving through all those things that
brought life to them that that they they moved in in gonze light
You didnt die
and I I looked a little farther I could see a path now and
um figures coming towards people they were singing and their voices were beautiful but I
couldn't make out their faces I couldn't see anything clearly it was as if there was still a veil there
and um I couldn't tell I just saw a number of people coming down this path
and suddenly Jesus was right there and he said you didn't die you have to go
back and I said nope not going back and I put
my face back into God's justice and I'm going back and he pulled my hand he said you didn't
die you have to go back and really this is hard to resist Jesus you don't tell him no you honestly do not tell him no
when he says you're going to do something and I said I'm not going back I'm not
going back and this time he said you didn't die you have to go back and and
he just pulled me right off God's lap and God let me go and
I was screaming no I'm not going back I'm not going back I'll feel pain I knew
very well I was kind of feel pain and there was no surfing there was no wave
of light just bam right above my body and he's there with me and I and I see
my body laying there I was kind of laying on my side and I saw Charlie the Ranch owner next
to me kneeling next to me he was crying and he was praying and nobody had done anything ever it was
just quiet there nobody did CPR back then and um
everyone everything was silent and I didn't know how I was going to get back in my body but Jesus shoved me and I was
like just kind of just shoved in from underneath from behind and
I hit the inside of my face you have to what you have to picture is
your soul gets sucked back into your body and you hit the inside of your skull and it's like coming up against a brick
God healed me
wall and I'd panicked because I was so trapped in my body my body was not
moving I was struggling inside my body and suddenly Jesus is in there with me
and he smoothed my arms into my arms he seemed my legs into my legs he made me
whole again and I mean he he talked to me the whole time he was doing this I got a lot of
messages from him um and after I was whole again it took me a
long time to figure out how to take a breath how to open an eye how to talk and I remember finally taking a breath
oh cracking open one eye and saying Charlie and he just said thank God thank
God threw me over my horse which you don't do no you don't move
someone with potential Spine and Neck injuries yeah yes rode me down to the
car threw me in the car drove right foot my sister's in the car door right past the hospital carried me up to my bed
left me there um I don't know what he told my mom but she drove him back out to the ranch and
my parents left me there for 24 hours before they realized I couldn't walk
I was in shock um by recovery was very lengthy but and
it's a miracle I recovered fully I should not be able to walk
um wow and you know the interesting thing is and I told my sister right then my
little sister shared a room with me and she stayed with me after my mother left to take Charlie back and I told her what
had happened I told her everything that had happened that was as much talking as I could do at that point I could not
talk and my mom even when she got back she slid a heating pad under my bath I
couldn't feel anything so I didn't realize it was burning me and I I did end up with a third degree burn which
then later became a decubitus ulcer in the hospital um so my recovery was quite lengthy but
I did recover completely I did not even receive the appropriate treatment wow God is the one God healed me yeah
um and you know the interesting thing is it never occurred to me I wouldn't walk I all I could think about was Jesus I
like to think about for the first 24 hours was Jesus all I could think about the whole time I was in the hospital was Jesus
I didn't even it didn't it never occurred to me oh you're really injured here you may never walk again
never even entered my mind so um
but I did I did recover and I knew when I was in the hospital okay this is what happened what do I do
What do I do with it
with it right so I began to talk to God again after not
talking to him for four years and after my parents didn't come to see
me till the next second day I was in the hospital and they walked in the room I told them what had happened
my father turned pale as a ghost didn't say a word left the room my mother said oh honey we imagine lots
of things when we're unconscious he said I wasn't unconscious I was dead and it was the most real thing that's ever happened to me
so she said she asked me if I wanted to speak to a psychiatrist I said that's
fine the psychiatrist came in I told him the same thing he left she asked me for one
to talk to the rabbi we we had now a new route by my parents joined a reform temple in this Rabbi was well known for
his atheism right and he came to talk to me and he patted
me on the shoulder and he said so tell me about the hallucination of yours and
I said it wasn't a hallucination and I told him everything that happened and I said I was dead and it was the most real
thing that's ever happened to me and he said oh it was a hallucination I said no it wasn't so I never that was the last I
saw him um so this wasn't something I could talk about in my family right and
um you know I was in the hospital for a long time I was recovering at home for a long time but everything changed
you have to understand something about Jesus he's not a nag he doesn't say don't use drugs
don't drink you know don't hang out with those kids he doesn't he's not a nag
he didn't say that to me but I knew exactly what he expected of me when I
came back to life no more drugs no more hanging out with drug kids focus on school
I made a decision while I was laying in that hospital bed about where my life was going to go
because I actually never expected to survive beyond my teenage years they were that bad
and um I decided I would leave I I would
accelerate my my program at high school graduate of your early and go to Israel so I did that I graduated a year early
and I left for Israel I I because here was my thinking
I was not going to see Jesus again this side of the grave so I wanted to walk where he had walked I wanted to be where
he had been I wanted to see the places he had seen so I went to Israel and I lived there
for a year and lived in Cuba studied in Old plan for six months
I love the kiblets and they in fact they asked me to be a member um
I walked all over the Galilee I walked all over I went Jerusalem was my
favorite city in the world um I even stayed in Bethany in a in a
Homestay I worked in an archaeological excavation in Northern Galilee hmm wow I
I just I went all over Israel I spent the night in the Garden of Gethsemane you could do that back then I slept there I well I
didn't sleep I leaned against one of the oldest olive trees for the entire night just talking about everything that had
happened and you know I hadn't read my Bible I didn't read I did not read the New
Testament until I was in Israel after spending the night in the Garden of Gethsemane that's the thing yeah
Faith in Jesus
no you go ahead no you did this it's similar to my story there's no context before coming to Faith and you come to
Faith In Jesus he changes you resurrects you makes you into a new person and then you
go read about what happened to you yes yeah it's did you even read our own
Bible I didn't even read our own Bible no no I I had read you know I loved the story of Greece I'd read straight Bruce
I'd read the story of Esther I'd read a little bit of Joshua um a little bit of kings and I think I
read Genesis Exodus Leviticus I skipped over numbers I skipped over a little bit of Deuteronomy that was it and I think I
knew a little bit of uh Jeremiah maybe that's a I I had never
even read our own books yeah same so I was I had no contacts other than what my
father taught about me right no context so it wasn't until after it wasn't until Israel that I began reading I thought I
read the new testament which I then realized wow this is a totally Jewish book this is Jewish book from start to
finish I don't even know and I I thought if you're Christian how do you even understand a word they're saying how
would it even make sense I need that good point the context you need the
previous contest right to kind of have it make sense um
so then I later went on to read our own scriptures
um but you know it's like I was a kid I wasn't I couldn't prove to somebody oh look here's this proof text
in this Psalm or here's this proof text in Isaiah I didn't know that any of that I was a complete novice to all of this
yeah in some cases in some cases it doesn't even matter if you have the proof text so no yeah didn't matter to
me yeah I knew what I saw and I Jesus has always been first of all
look let's we have kids my kids are real you know the probably the closest thing
you get to God as a woman besides reading Jesus is having it it's pretty amazing my kids are real my
husband's role my dogs are all my house is real none of it all of it matters none of it
matters you know I don't worry I used to be anxious and worried
and I had all kinds of issues all kinds of things going on
yeah so yeah question I have for you is um
Why do we need Jesus
why if if someone hears this they might think wow
I want to die too don't don't right that's the thing
what is it about Jesus that we have to know in order to in in order to have that
connection with God and and real eternal life after death
we're here for a reason I love this life I came back loving life I came back
filled with love right for this world filled with love for the people of this
world and I was a loner before I'm still kind of loner if you leave me on my own
I will that's what I will be but we are Community God puts us here to be
in relationship God puts us here to learn to love and care for our fellow
human beings God
he gave us a bridge you know yeah he gave us a bridge which I didn't even know we needed a bridge right I didn't
know we needed a bridge right Jesus is that bridge so you don't want to die without knowing Jesus
I would say I wouldn't I wouldn't want to I will not speak for anyone else I I
that's one thing I've learned I will not speak for anyone else I wouldn't want to yeah he is the most important person in
my life and he's a real person yeah um if you look at him as as human and
divine then I am going to say that he epitome
just like the colors in heaven epitomized color just like they're the heart of color he's the heart of a human
being he is the most human human being in the universe whoa I wouldn't want to
die without knowing him but I also have Jesus like I said he he didn't nag me
he didn't tell me what I had to do I had a choice I had a choice
I could I could have chosen to look away I could have chosen not to follow him he
didn't make me do anything this was my choice yeah so if you make somebody do
something it's not real yeah so that reinforces the Free Will that we
know that he gives us to choose or or not to choose him God wants us yeah he
has been said God certainly is a needy God he needs her well he wants our love
he does he does not want to lose anybody yeah wow incredible
wow well thank you so much for sharing this it was riveting I mean I I didn't want to
say anything you know I was like it's just like watching a movie you know
and um you're working on a new book um and um you know whenever that comes
out let me know we can add that to the um to the description in the link but I just want to say thank you for sharing
your story and if there's anything before we go um that you'd like to mention to someone about
um about themselves if they're going through struggles or trials
um what you might give as a word of encouragement you know I went through a lot of trials in my life and just because I met Jesus
doesn't mean they stopped right good point but I always knew God was with me I wasn't
100 certain before I died after I died I knew Jesus was with me I
knew he was with me every step of the way and that no matter what happened and
this is one of the things he told me um your life is in good hands which is a
test of faith because it took me a while to figure out what he meant what he meant was good bad indifferent I'm here
your life is in good hands so it helps me get through bad things it
helps me appreciate good things right I appreciate every single day I don't live too much in the future I don't dwell on
the past right right I'm I live in the present because he's here yes it took me
yeah more than four decades to get to to Jesus to understand that he was always
there waiting for me to to come to him and recognize him
um and now you know sometimes we I joke with my friends and we say how can people live without God but I know very
well how I did before and I mean I was completely destructive mess
um I wouldn't I wouldn't have admitted it then but uh I was you know living my life in destructive ways and
um I thought it was fine you probably got I
didn't see that I didn't I didn't think there was anything wrong with it I mean I had some conscience issues every once in a while but I just you know wrote it
off and and uh Justified it but but we sometimes say how can people live
without God and I and I I can't imagine my life without him no
um incredible so I just want to say thank you for for opening up and being so transparent and sharing your story here
so um thank you so much Heidi bar for being here and uh you're welcome really appreciate you and uh may may God
continue to bless you thank you you can find out more about Heidi bar and her work in the description below
and stay tuned for our next episode where Heidi and I will be talking about what Jewish people need to know about
salvation and a real relationship with God and don't forget to hit that Thumbs Up Button And subscribe to the channel
you can also reach out to us and chat with us live and anonymously at jews4jesus.org and can follow us on
Facebook Instagram and Tick Tock and may you all find peace and hope in our Messiah Yeshua
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Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
耶 穌 對 他 說 ： 你 要 盡 心 、 盡 性 、 盡 意 愛 主 ─ 你 的 神 。
—— Matthew 22:37 —— 馬 太 福 音 22:37