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A Chaotic Childhood in a Muslim Home
so it all started before I was even born I was born into a Muslim family both my
mom and my dad's side they're all Muslim and so my mom and my dad they had an
arranged marriage my father and his lineage is from Palestine while my mom and her lineage is from Jordan so my mom
and my dad they got married here in the states in Pennsylvania and my mom came all the way from Jordan This was her
first husband her first you know even relationship she never had a boyfriend before my father and when they got
married you know my dad was very deceptive she thought everything was going to be great he was definitely not
the man that was shown to my entire family when she moved over here to America and it was just them here alone
in the United States my father was so abusive to my mom he would beat her he
would starve her and that's when rejection really entered so it was
before I was was even born that the rejection you know had fully entered into my life upon her giving birth to me
my mom went to the courts she said I want to file for a divorce you know he's very abusive to me she had called the
police every time the police came my my dad would talk to them and they just
never believed her they never believed her so she went to the courts and they said okay we'll Grant you the divorce
you're allowed to take naen back toor Jordan with you for 3 months my mom took
me back with her and when she did she never brought me back to America she
kept me in Jordan and so at this point she had completely went against the US
law right she is has multiple bench warrants out for her arrest she never came back to bring me because Jordanian
law at the time did not recognize US law Jordanian law says she's the mom she's
Jordanian naden allowed to live here but I was born as a US citizen so the United
States and Jordanian law started going at it with each other you know the FBI
was involved we had multiple Court like we had multiple judges everything working around this specific uh
situation it was one of maybe 2,000 a year International kidnappings even
though she was my mom she had internationally kidnapped me to Jordan and never brought me back during this
time my dad's making a good amount of money he owns a business so he's flying every month to see me in Jordan right
like for once a month he'd stay you know for the weekend and come visit me but the visitation was was a monitored
visitation so he'd always have to see me in something called a meras right where
there'd be like an officer there'd be someone watching so my dad would take the trip all the way from Pennsylvania
to Jordan to come see me once a month and during this time he had built a report with my family like I'm coming to
see her everything's is all good so this lasted about 5 years it's now the Year 2005 and my dad says to my mom he goes
Going to Live With My Dad in the US
hey I'm going to take naen uh to the zoo is that okay I want to take her to the zoo and they allowed him to take me out
of the markas which is the monitored visitation and to take me to the zoo at
this time my dad was not taking me to the zoo he was bringing me all the way back to the United States and so the FBI
was completely uh involved with this they actually made me a passport and
they sent my dad to the to Jordan but they said if you get arrested there's nothing we can do to help you like if
you get arrested in Jordan it's completely out of our hands now but as soon as she's on the airplane in the air
she's considered to be on us soil so that's what my dad did uh my mom sent me
off to the zoo that day and just didn't see me again never went back to live with her again and so I remember that
day like it's crazy cuz I was only about 5 years old but I remember being at the airport I remember something was off
about the whole ordeal but as I was on the plane I remember there was like a
something had gone wrong right where I think someone was notified on the plane that I was being kidnapped from Jordan
but because we were already on us soil being on that plane we were good we came we touched down and there were police
officers all around us they took us into a separate room made sure I was okay and from there I continue I started Living
in the state of Ohio so born in Pennsylvania lived in Jordan and now I'm in the state of Ohio and this is really
where it all begins my upbringing with my father
was very hard I grew up with a single father then again a single Muslim father
and growing up in a Muslim family is already very tough when you live
overseas right but imagine growing up here in America where everything around
you all your friends all your classmates are completely you know uncovered and
they have friends that are boys and they go to things like football games and they're living their norm and you're
like why is my life so different you know and so upon growing up with my dad
I think he was so angry I what my mom had done when she originally stole me I
think looking back at it that every time he looked at me he thought of her and
what she had done and so now my dad has a you know um His Name On the Border in
Jordan he can't go to Jordan my mom can't come to the United States my dad can't go bury you know his mom and his
dad that pass away because his name's On the Border in Jordan so his whole family lives over there he risked everything
thing to get me back and I think he looks at me in resent every day but at
the time you don't know that you're just a child growing up I try not to blame him now but when I look back I I realize
wow whatever lack of love you had from your family I can't really blame you it's what you grew up in and that's why
you're taking what you're taking out on me you don't know better so we grew up in Ohio and you know all the the school
I went to it was like 900 people in the total school so it was fairly small and
it was all white people so I say that because everyone had like blonde hair and blue eyes majority there were like
there were maybe like two or three like black people maybe like two Hispanics but being somewhere of like a different
you know race is like so rare you know where I grew up in Youngstown Ohio you
know I was very hairy dark hair mustache little unibrow and I remember I was just
getting picked on at school getting picked on for being so hairy getting picked on for being weird and on top of
that I'm going home my father and I are just so poverished we don't have money we're on like all these food stamps you
know there's rats in our home cockroaches in our home and I just remember being like so frustrated like
when I go to school the kids are picking on me you know all these kids they have both parents they have a nice Granite
Island in their in their kitchen with a with a fridge where the water comes out and I go home and I have nothing like it
was so frustrating to see what everyone had and not having it when I went home on top of that my dad was so abusive he
Disillusioned with Islam While Being Abused at Home
started becoming abusive around the age of six and seven
and around that time I was very much missing my mom but I didn't know what
had happened we weren't in contact with each other my dad would not allow me to
you know obviously tell anyone you know where I had moved I wasn't in contact with my family because my family in
Jordan they had a lot of connections and so my dad was scared that someone would try to come and steal me so I remember
sleeping in my house in Youngstown Ohio and putting like a hammer or something
underneath like my bed in case someone tried to come take me or hurt me my dad would always put lies in my head like
someone's going to try to steal you make sure you're make sure you're very careful so I was just paranoid like I'm
a little girl in a new country just not at peace and I remember just little
things I would do if I'd wear like a little v-neck he'd spit on me he he'd call me a when my boobs started
growing and when my body started to develop he was so mean to me it's like he hated me for my body developing and
he just hated the fact that I was growing to Western culture while being a
a Muslim and ever since a young age I
hated Islam I didn't understand it but I hated it I said how come you pray five
times a day and you treat me like this how come all my family even even my grandmas my aunts and uncles everyone's
praying five times a day but everyone's miserable there's abuse happening in the family every time my dad's on the phone
with someone from home it's always like a bad report like it's just like there's no peace and so even though I didn't
understand what the fullness of Islam was I saw the fruits of it and all the fruits of it were so rotten all the time
I think that's when I started to grow I guess a not hate but a resentment
towards who I knew God to be and that was Allah and I remember I would like
try to like pray to Allah I would try to do the prayers the the five times a day but I'm just like I'm literally just
standing bending down putting my head to the ground like there's there's no peace in any of this
and I was just getting so frustrated at such a young age and I also didn't understand how my dad could be around
these you know other Muslims could get on the phone and make it seem like he's doing a great job while at the time he
had been beating me he was pouring gasoline on my hair I found out in like fifth grade that I had lice um because
it was like going around the school they found out I had it they called home and I remember I was so scared when they called home cuz I was like oh my God I'm
about to get it I'm about to get it I came home he said you're so dirty the school's calling me they think I'm a bad
parent they think that I'm I'm dirty mind you our house was really dirty um
but he said you know they think I'm dirty I remember he went out he went to the gas station he dragged me into the
bathtub put my head on right where the bathtub was and grabbed the gasoline not
like with water in it the one that goes into your car and poured it on my head I
had burns on my head you know gasoline that smells so strong so I went to school people are you know always doing
this NOS I stink cuz I smell like gasoline I have little um Burns all over
my my scalp and it was just even everything I'm saying now it doesn't even summarize
all of that was happening but it was it was a hard upbringing never nevertheless in sixth grade I like I
said my body started to develop the most it had ever developed and at this time I
was really shy to tell my dad that I needed like a bra or you know my period had also started I was shy to tell him I
needed like you know feminine materials single father right and so I remember
like I would wear like multiple tank tops to like hide my body cuz I always I
always felt like this was very dirty like you know especially growing up Muslim it's very dirty that I'm having a body at such a young age but then I
noticed that the Boys in my school were liking the fact that my body was growing
in and so even though I was like I kind of had like a really LoveHate
relationship with it because of how my father was treating me at home but then also the boys at school liked it and so
this is the first time now in my life where I'm getting some type of attention the boys are starting to like me they're
starting to look at me more you know kind of come up to like my locker or start texting me following me on
Facebook and so my body's growing in and I realize wow for the first time in my
life I finally have someone who actually wants to talk to me like I'm not going up to them first trying to find a friend
you know someone wants to talk to me you know and so I said okay you know I'm I'm
a young girl this is this is the way now to finally have some type of approval or
some type of connection with someone so my seventh grade year started and I
Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, and Seeing Demons
remember I was at like depressed as as ever and I was cutting myself I was very
frustrated with my life I was cutting myself I started cutting on my legs and then my counselor found out I was
cutting on my legs so I had to start hiding it so I started cutting on my stomach cuz who checks a stomach right
and then I started cutting on my back and I just started cutting myself cutting myself and as this was happening
that's when like that that se those those Suicidal Thoughts started entering so much more is when I started you know
harming myself and I remember this so clearly around this time I would see
demons and now when I say that you know as a born- again believer that's not so
crazy right but when you're unsaved when you're just a little girl when you grow up you know in a Muslim household people
are looking at you like you're crazy so I remember every time I would sleep I'd wake up I'd have horrible sleep
paralysis feel like someone's on top of me choking me I'd wake up and I'd scream the word demon demon demon I see demons
my dad was like no absolutely not I think he was scared so he sent me to a
psychiatrist at the young age of seventh grade I went to psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with
ADHD pdsd bipolar borderline schizophrenia an major anxiety major
depression disorder am I forgetting any no that's all of them so they diagnosed me with
all these things got me on a bunch of meds a bunch of meds because when I'm
talking to psychiatrist and I said oh I see demons I see them in my sleep I see them in my house when I talk to people I
see demons they just drugged me up and so now in seventh grade I'm on like five
or six different medications I'm just like a walking zombie and guess what nothing's helping I'm going to therapy
once a week I'm on all this medication and now more than ever the Suicidal Thoughts have gone to a whole new
level like even the suicidal thoughts were quote unquote less before I even
got on all this medication so I'm on all this medication and I'm frustrated
because I said wow isn't this medication supposed to help me isn't going to a therapist supposed to help me what's
wrong with me cuz I'm around all these kids that are just focused on Sports and
focused on their grades and focused on what they're going to do after school and their life is so like normal what is
My First Suicide Attempt
wrong with me and so I went home one day in seventh grade
and my dad was working late at work I went into his medicine cabinet and I
took over like 43 pills I just downed them and I wanted to end my life this
was my first suicide attempt it was going to be my first out of three that I'm about to get into too and uh I
remember at that moment I genuinely just did not want to live like I I didn't see
the point in living like I was so tormented I felt like I felt like I was
drowning but I could see the air but I couldn't breathe in the air and it just felt
like nothing would stop you know and so I had my first suicide attempt I was
in the hospital for a couple weeks and then they said sent me to uh a place called Belmont
Pines in Liberty Ohio which was a mental health Asylum like a like an insane
asylum basically right but they label it as rehab I went there and you would
think that's a place where someone goes to get help no things got worse because now I'm in the room with people who have
tried burning themselves Al lives now I'm in the room with people who literally like talk to the wall and I
remember just being in there feeling like whatever I'm going through it's not this
it's not this and they're they won't let you leave as you have to take even more
medicine while you're there they won't let you leave and I just remember being in there being like what is the point to
life cuz this this is this is not it I got out of there
My Dad Tries to Take His Life Three Months Later
and two months after that I had brought so much shame to my dad my remind you
when I had my suicide attempt the fire department came the police came every body came to our apartment where we
lived small City word got around so fast you know uh about 2 months after my
attempt my dad had ATT tempted yeah out of Shame out of the shame and dishonor I brought to our
household cuz if you know anything about you know a Muslim household the reputation of that household is very
sacred you know you don't share what's going on outside this household you keep everything buttoned up perfectly all the
eyes dotted all the teeth crossed and in front of front of people you're very reserved so for people to see this
happen obviously now some like the Secret's out that something wrong is
happening in this household that would even cause his daughter to try to kill herself so about 2 months later I'm at
my friend's house I'm spending the night and I'm there for like three nights it's like over a break or something and my
dad is just not calling on me or checking on me which is like so rare cuz he would call me
constantly and and I knew that I knew people will call it intuition but I knew it was God I knew something deep down in
me was like something's not right with your father so I went home and my my
friend and her mom they were like Hey we're going to stay down here we lived in an apartment we're going to stay
downstairs just walk up to your house walk in if you see anything out out the blue just start screaming we'll just
come up I said okay I walked into my house and everything's like slow-mo I
remember walking past the kitchen there's like flies everywhere food that hasn't been touched I'm like what is
going on and as soon as I saw that I knew something was off I walk into his bedroom
and he's sleeping so I see that he's breathing and I yell at him I'm like why
aren't you answering the phone like what like what are you what's happening and he looks up at me he gets out of bed and
his face is like slurred and I'm like why is he talking
like that like why is like his face like that and I go over to the side of his bed and I see the Quran and I see a
napkin on top of it with pen and it says I'm so sorry I failed you love Bubba and
I start screaming and and then all I realized these are empty pill bottles this is the Quran like I realized what
had happened I scream the police come ambulance comes like this is like 3 months apart and so this was my seventh
grade year and in the midst of you know about to finish Middle School going to
high school things just aren't getting better um my dad also went to the
hospital for 3 weeks and after that you know I was staying at my friend's house my school is looking at my life like
what is going on so I start talking to my local counselor at my school I'm telling her kind of about just how my
upbringing is I'm thinking I can finally confide in somebody and as I'm starting to confide in her they are now looking
at me like I'm just like demonized right and it got to the point where they had
told my principal that they think I'm In Harm's Way and they want to like you know like can we like looking at foster
care options like what are the options we could do to get her out of this home and I felt so betrayed because I'm like
no I I don't have family here in America my whole family's in Jordan and you know my whole my family's not here I don't
want to go into foster care but it was like anyways it was it was just I feel
like I couldn't trust anybody anyone I try to confide in it always went left so
Losing My Virginity in 8th Grade
then things started to look up for me in the summer of seventh grade because I
got a boyfriend now it's my first boyfriend his name is Richie Murray he
was a very kind guy in the beginning he had a very put together family and as I
would be around him and his family you know his mom his dad and everybody his sister I remember just seeing a love in
that family that I obviously hadn't seen in my own family and for the first time of having a boyfriend I clung I clung so
hard to him I'm like okay you know I became very dependent I didn't know God so I just became very dependent and now
going into my eighth grade year I thought this was my first love and I lost my virginity in eighth grade eighth
grade so young I had just turned 14 I lost my virginity and going into that I
didn't want to have sex not because he forced me he never forced me to have sex
but I didn't have like the uh oh you know the sexual desire to have it I just
was like oh I'm I'm dating somebody what do people do when they date somebody they have sex you know because I was
like watching porn a lot in middle school and I was like okay what you have to do to keep somebody around or to
please somebody is you have to have sex with them and so I didn't want to lose
this person in my life I was so scared for someone I finally love to leave me again so I said okay whatever it takes
to keep them around even if it's having sex okay I'll have sex so I lost my virginity in eth grade um and yeah I I
dated him all throughout 8th grade in my freshman year and obviously it ended just wasn't working out and in this time
Diving into Relationships, Drinking and Parties to Numb the Pain
um my freshman year I started High School my dad has his second suicide attempt the first 3 months of my
freshman year were really hard the first month which is September uh my uncle had
got shot in the head and passed away the second month my grandpa my dad's father had died and the third month he
attempted suicide for the second time I was staying with a friend yet again and at this point I'm not even like
depressed or sad I'm just very numb so who I am in high school is not like some depressed girl just very numb numb to
everything just moving forward kind of repressing everything that's happening like taking it on the chin and just keep
on going freshman year is when I started to have a lot more like friends um
especially because when my dad had attempted suicide in like the third month of my freshman year I was staying with a friend and that friend knew a lot
of people so we just started kind of going to party stiring that time uh my dad wasn't like really like as like
strict I mean he couldn't be you know it's like everything you just put me through he kind of just kind of just gave up on trying to raise me as a
Muslim woman he just was like whatever I'm I'm just done do whatever you want to do um so I started going to parties I
started going to like college parties as like a freshman um and I remember I was
like wow okay men are you know men are liking like how much older I look you know when I go drink it's fun people
like want to take videos with me and like post me on Snapchat so I'm starting to get attention around this time you
know my life looking back at it was like starting to finally have the peak it had never had growing up and I'm partying I
have all these friends I'm not really getting bullied anymore surely partying and and this is the way to finally find
happiness so this is where the route of just the lust of like the world really
entered my heart cuz now for the first time in my life I'm seeing approval through just kind of like selling myself
like in terms of like my body or showing off or whatever so my sophomore year started and I was literally my
reputation from going to like a nobody or like a weird girl completely different reputation now I'm known as a
party girl I'm known as the girl that that you hit her up you're going to have a fun time like everyone wants to be
like we're in Adas cuz we're we're in adenas there's a party and I'm I'm invited to all the college like
fraternity parties everyone's just you know Everyone likes being around me I was the party girl and so my identity
was really formed in that my sophomore year I had gained all these friends um
My Second Suicide Attempt
but I still wasn't like happy I remember that so clearly like even though I was party even though I was getting drunk I
was getting high I still was like very like lonely and like numb to what I had been through but I said you know what
maybe even now with a partying even my life's not better so maybe I should just end it
here and my second suicide attempt happen in my sophomore year and I
remember this this attempt wasn't like the one in seventh grade because I didn't actually want to die I just
wanted I just didn't want to be here I didn't want to die but I didn't want to be alive if that makes sense like my
purpose in seventh grade was I want to die I don't want to be here anymore but Soph Maria was kind of just like I don't
know but I just don't I don't want to be alive but I don't want to die I I don't know what to
do I was very confused so I I had took some pills again and this time I was
back in the hospital back at Belmont Pines I got out and I uh you know went
back home no problem cool but this time something changed in
Hearing the Gospel and Experiencing Deliverance
my life there was this girl named Maddie remeny very kind girl I didn't have a car like I told you my dad was very poor
we were very poor she always took me home from from my house all the way to school she would always like give me
rides back and forth and so we didn't we weren't like really close we didn't really talk much outside of her just you know take giving me rides I'd give her
some gas money um but the day that I went back to school after you know my my suicide attempt she's driving me home
and she said hey you know like I know like you just left Belmont Pines and everything you know my mom prays and she
can pray for you and like that like those like demons like you're seeing like they like they can like leave you
alone and I was like what I was like okay she's like yeah like my mom's
prayed for people and the depressions left them I was like oh let's go right now like mind you in my mind I don't
know if a witch a Catholic a Muslim I don't know what her mom is or what she prays to but at this point I don't care
if something's going to make this feeling of hopelessness go away I will take it so we went to her house and we
pulled up in her garage and she just told me yeah my mom she's just going to pray for you I entered her kitchen like
you know how there's a garage and then there's like an entryway to the kitchen from the garage door went into the kitchen I saw her mom her mom was
praying in tongues I I don't know at the time I didn't know what praying in tongues was but I see her praying in
tongues and me like 15 16 years old I attack her mom just attack her mom like
naen naturally n wouldn't do this so I was like what the heck it's like I couldn't control my body I just started attacking her mom her mom sat me down
she put her hand on me and she just started praying and praying and praying and I remember it's like I could I
realized what was going on but I couldn't stop my body I was so angry out my fists were baled up and I was like
tling out my mouth and I was just like screaming she calm me down and she said okay like N I need you to listen to me
and she told me about the gospel she said Jesus Christ is Real Jesus is the
only way to heaven she goes what's happening right now is that you have Demons Inside of you and they're very
angry that they're around me right now she said those demons are manifesting she said those those demons they can be
in your life because you don't have Jesus you don't have Jesus you need to accept Jesus is your lord and savior and
those things will leave you I said okay so I was always very open to the gospel even though I didn't fully understand it
cuz the Bible says that no one can say Christ is Lord unless it's by the holy spirit so even there in my sophomore
year I was like okay open so I said I said the Prayer of Salvation And aen before that no no you're fine before
that had had you heard about Jesus at all I had heard about Jesus uh maybe a
yeah a couple times in in middle school there was this girl Jenny Smith very very kind girl she told me one time I
think it was in sixth grade in my language arts class uh she told me you don't need Allah you need Jesus like
word for word sixth grade language arts class and I was like dang it's kind of
but I didn't I didn't go against her I was like hm you know it's like God literally sent sixth grade I mean how
crazy is it you know but I remember she said that to me and I was like why would she just say that out of nowhere like
I'm not close with her she was like one of the popular girl so I thought that was so weird that she would say that to me and then there was another lady where
my dad was kind of you know he kind of liked her but he didn't pursue anything with her because she was a Christian uh
but he liked her but my dad would let me have sleepovers at her house and she was you know every time I'd be at her house
she'd always have like Joel Olstein or something in the background and she'd always tell me like about Jesus very
briefly but I didn't understand like it was very like christianese like words like I didn't understand but I never
like resented like the gospel or like uh rejected it I just knew that Jesus was a
prophet CU I grew a Muslim so I'm not seeing Jesus as God I like am grateful
for him I receive him as a prophet so even in that moment where I'm praying the Prayer of Salvation I'm still like
showing my respect to Jesus but still in my heart I didn't really believe that he was God I still had that very much
stronghold like Jesus is a prophet he he's he's great but he's not God how
could he be the Son of God how could he be God I didn't understand but I prayed that prayer with her in faith I prayed
that prayer and I remember uh she took me through something called like like
repenting and I tell I didn't know what repentance was but you know we started going through like the line of my sins
how I had lost my virginity my partyy and everything and then we went out into the garage and she sat me down and at
the time I had something called a hamsa with a evil eye as my necklace for over
11 years I wore this necklace like I would not take it off cuz I believ that that's what would protect me the evil
eye and she looked at my necklace she goes what is this she goes take this off
she goes take this off and I took it off and when I took it off I went crazy like
I started screaming like bloody murder I started puking like blood came up all
the way to like where like my actual even eye color was and for three and a half hours I went through like a deep
deep Deliverance I didn't know it was Deliverance at the time didn't know what was happening really at the time but I went through a deep deliverance and I
remember when all was said and done you know she took me through forgiving people forgiving my father when I had
left that day I felt this is the way I would explain it I felt like you know how when
you're a kid and you're out on the playground and you you're not thinking about like anything but just the fact
that you're playing tag with your friends on the playground that's literally how my mind felt after my Deliverance I just felt like I was
floating I felt like I felt the freest I had ever felt in my entire life ever but
Going Back to Partying
I didn't really like I wasn't going to church still so I just went right back in my old ways I didn't know what it was
to obviously start reading my Bible and and that wasn't really followed up with me and so because of that even though I
just experienced this freedom and healing I didn't know that I needed to even maintain it so literally the next week I
go back out partying and so that you know I keep partying and now my
sophomore year is over it's my junior year and I remember during my time of my
uh my junior year I was like you know what well nothing's working Ohio I I I
hate Ohio everything about it here just sucks I grew up here things aren't getting better here let maybe if I just
move maybe if I move that's what everything will literally get better so now I'm just starting to look externally
I talked to my dad I said you know can I go live with my mom in Dubai my mom at the time had moved from Jordan and now
is living in Dubai he was like now I'm you know about 17 now so I'm not like a little girl that could just be kidnapped
so he's like if you want to go live with your mom and Dubai go ahead you know so he wasn't opposed to it just when I was a little girl so I talked to my mom I
said hey you know haven't lived with you since I was 5 and was stolen from you but can I come can I come live with you
and B bow she's she's married she has two kids my brother St and suned I love them so much and uh I went over there
and I live with her so now it's my senior year of high school in Dubai like
what like I went from being so broke living in Ohio having no money and now I
have a maid now I have a chef now I have you know in I'm I'm in roll royces I'm in like maybacks I'm in everything right
so my life literally just did like a whole one 0 I have now everything I've ever wanted I can go shopping I don't
have to you know steal I was stealing clothes from people when I was living in Ohio cuz I didn't have any money I don't have to steal clothes anymore and I was
like surely this is it you know and now in high school in Dubai no one's making fun of me Everyone likes me you know I
don't have the history of what I had in Ohio so I said well okay at the time you
know my mom would always play the Quran in the house and everything and so I started thinking well you know I always
Diving Deep into Witchcraft
felt like I was connected to something higher I resented Allah but I just knew that something was out there I never
question if something was out there like I was never just an an atheist but I was more agnostic at the time and so around
my senior year of still partying and all these different things living in Dubai I started really like getting deep into
astrology at this time cuz I was just like why do we act the way we act like is there some like driving force what is
it I was getting very deep into philosophy reading up books on philosophy also around this time you
know I'm like using crystals and and all this different stuff kind of just kind of searching for something so I
graduated high school in Dubai and I just knew that I wanted to go to college I didn't want to stay in Dubai uh all my
friends were like leaving going to different states different countries and so I came to Georgia in 2018 to go to
college at Georgia gwet College and so upon coming back to the States uh my
reputation like I said of the party girl still stands um I have my own car I have a job now and now more than ever my
spirituality is at a whole new level right like at this point I'm going to the Hindu temple I fly out to Thailand
to meet with a monk I do a whole ritual I'm like trying to get like really like initiated into this stuff I am doing
like manifestation um tarot cards I go to Toronto to meet with a psychic so
like now at this point I am like off the deep end with like the new AG stuff and
I would be lying if I said I wasn't if I wasn't interested I was so interested because all these questions I had about
my existence and why I was seeing those demons when I was a little girl and and all these different things it's like it
was giving a sort of answer I was looking for my entire life I'm looking for an answer why why is my dad treating
me like this why do I why do I feel like this but now for the first time I have something that kind of affirms what I'm
feeling in the spiritual realm but it obviously it's not giving me any solution it's just affirming what I'm
Experimenting with Homosexuality, Working in a Club
feeling right so I was very heavy into new age and freshman year passes of of
college sophomore year comes and I said you know what I have had such a fun time
here in Atlanta partying I know all the promoters you know I'm like you know at this point I'm you know sleeping with
men I you know am playing house with this one guy you know unhealthy relationship I'm also living a
homosexual lifestyle in the midst of all this because I just didn't care right and I was also a lot more comfortable
with women because of you know what had happened to me and everything I was like oh you know what like you know maybe I
want to start experimenting a little bit more you know so I started you know kind of having some relations with women at
the time and I was just what you call a free spirit men women drugs alcohol
whatever oh abortion fine every everyone does their own thing do whatever you want to do like love yourself do what
like very like just feminist very free-spirited as I made my way up in Atlanta nightlife I started having
connections I was at like NBA players houses partying I was at like just like
you know in like music video shoots you know I had rappers in my DMs NFL players in my DMs like okay so now I know what I
need to do this I know why I'm still sad it's because even when I was in Dubai it
was my parents money it wasn't my own money so now I know what I need it's I know this my last piece to be happy
finally is to have money that was my that's my mindset at the time so let me
take advantage of all my connections and let me actually start working at the club instead of just going to the club
January of 2021 I sat in front of my mirror and I held out incense I had my
crystals and I looked in the mirror and I was praying to God but obviously
manifesting at the same time a lot of mixture and I said I'm gonna get the job at the club I'm gonna get the job at the
club at the time I was working at McDonald's so I was like I'm going to get the job at the club I'm going to make over six figures this year all
these different things I got the job at the club the next week January of
2021 and I started making over 10K a month in cash just being like bottle
service not even like stripping just bottle service and I was making more money that
I knew what to do with I was 21 years old I bought my dream car I bought my
dream apartment I'm going through drive-throughs tipping $100 just cuz I can just cuz I have the money to do so
but let me tell you something about that lifestyle they don't like the devil never dresses something up as what the
end result is it's just always what it looks good as so I'm seeing Oh a job at
the club I'll make more connections I'll make some good money but no I literally
like you literally have to like sell your soul to work at the club because you are at the mercy of like whoever the
owner of the club is you're just at the mercy of him at this time the the owner was married married had children
everything I'm flirting with him I'm entertaining him and I'm getting I don't care that he's married cuz like I said I
I didn't have like a moral standard I didn't care at this time he's giving me the best sections in the club like the
VIP sections where people spend like over a th000 per table minimum minimum is 1,000 per table I start getting the
best sections the girls in the club are like hating on me but now the only way to go up with getting some of these
bigger clients is to like sleep with them and I just remember I would go and manifest and pray cuz I never felt
comfortable sleeping with with like these older men but I said you know what I'm going to get their sections without
sleeping with them and then guess what I would get the sections without sleeping with the men so I was like surely the
manifesting is working like every you know like the spirituality the stuff I'm doing it's working cuz it's bringing results but I
The Moment I Cried Out to God
was miserable still and I that was like the point of like deep deep frustration
cuz I'm like what is going on like May 2021 months have pass and at this point
I have probably in those 6 months made well over maybe anywhere between 90 to
100K because even what I was making was even just cash cash cash cash cash I had
everything I wanted car apartment everything paid and I served this one
guy he our biggest uh biggest spender in the club he said I was manifesting that
I would you know get him he said I want naen to serve me tonight so I said okay may 20121 I served him and that night
that I served him I made the most money I ever made in one night a couple thousand dollars and a couple of hours
just a couple of Val maybe three hours couple BS and I was like wow I went home
I got in my car that night and in my dream car I'm driving home and I start crying I start weeping weeping weeping
like weeping to the point I can't even see the road I'm weeping I get upstairs and I do my nightly ritual my nightly
routine I count my money put the hundreds put the 20s and I realized I made a couple thousand dollars and I
start crying again and I was like what is going on
like that was my turning to Jesus
moment I had the men the woman drugs alcohol I had the connections I lived in
Dubai the richest city in the world I grew up poor in Ohio you know I had all
these things all these things I could take a trip to Greece first class tomorrow if I wanted to no problem I
could pay off someone's debt no problem everything I wanted since I was a little girl I had all the goals I had set for
myself since I was a little girl I had my dream C dream apartment everything everything I wanted I finally had what
do you do when you get everything you want and it's not enough what do you do then because it makes sense when you're
getting abused when you're getting bullied to be depressed that makes sense oh it makes sense for you for me to have
gone through all I went through to be depressed but then what do you do when your whole life's different what do you
do when your life is better I'm on I'm on you know honors role I'm on Dean List full scholarship at my school from the
outside looking in everything literally looks perfect on Instagram I look lit
everything in my life is is what people would dream about and I'm more miserable
than I had ever been in my entire life and in that moment on the floor of
my room I started crying and I called out to God I said who are you who are
you are you Krishna are you Buddha are you Muhammad are you Allah are you the
universe like I was so angry I was like who are you like who are you why would
you allow all this stuff to happen to me I was so angry I thought that God put all this stuff on me I said who are you
why would this happen to me I was so angry like I wasn't even like sad at
that point I was angry because what do you do when you have it all and you're
still lonely what do you do when you have it all and you're still
suicidal and at that moment I just knew that I knew I had
just failed in life I had failed like as a human being and I said okay this is
going to be my last suicide attempt I'm such a failure I failed on my last past two suicide attempts I'm not going to
fail at this third one I'm going to jump off a building and I'm going to end my life I'm
My Third Suicide Attempt is Interrupted
done I texted the owner of the club I said I'm going to take a week off work
I'll let you know if I'll be back and he said okay if you don't come back you don't have a job and let me
tell you how demonic the the club life is you start working there and you start
buying all these things to the point where you cannot sustain that lifestyle
unless you're working at the club it literally makes you bound it it's like
having a chain on you cuz now you're now I want to leave the Club but now I'm like well if I leave what about my car
note what about my rent what about what about this lifestyle what I literally have to work 90 hour work weeks to make
half of what I was making in a couple hours so I just knew I knew there was no
way out the club or any other job I could get I hadn't finished my school yet I was like surely just the only way
just I'm done I've seen what the world has to offer I've literally seen it all
and I'm I'm just done I'm done so I got my everything all my fairs in order by
you know my house everything and I was like you know my notes you know for like
whoever what I was going to find them okay I told the owner take a week and in
that week I plan to go and jump off a building in Alfreda Georgia and end my
life the day before my friend texted me and we weren't like super close you know
I was very busy with work he was busy but my friend at the time was a drug
dealer right selling drugs he texts me he's like hey nay what are you doing tonight I said nothing mind you nobody
knows I want to end my life cuz everyone thinks I'm lit everyone thinks I'm good nobody knows I'm literally dying on the
inside he goes hey you should come to church tonight I was like you go to church bro I'm like you literally
selling but hey you know I not judging I was just shocked that he invited me to church because every time he texts me
it's always something crazy right but he like literally sells drugs so I was just like okay I laughed cuz I was
like bro I L messaged him back I was like you go to church bro and so yeah he was like bro like he's like I've been
you know he's like I've been getting hip with God that's really what he said I've been getting hip with God he's like you just got to pull up and I was like bro
okay mind you I wasn't like I had nothing against you know the church so I said okay like I literally had nothing
to lose I plan to end my life the next day it's fine I'll just pull up
and so on my way over there he texts me and he's like I can't come tonight got held up I'm like it's okay cuz I was
already so outgo just you know working in the club and everything I don't mind showing up somewhere alone doesn't bother me so I walk into the church and
Going to Church for the First Time
I'm like it's big church big church I walk in and people are all smiling at
me I'm like this is weird why is everyone smiling like it's kind of weird
you know cuz in the club you don't people don't smile at you everyone's you know throwing money you know you're not
no one's really smiling right so I was like okay this is weird and so
everyone's smiling at me this girl comes up to me and she's like hey I'm like hi
you know very standoffish coming out the club life like you know especially in the club life it's very you don't want
to come off as too friendly people will rob you people will take advantage of your friendliness especially knowing how much money I always had on me you have
to be very very defensive so I'm talking to her and I'm telling her mind you I
don't know that like I'm even living in sin I don't really care so I'm not the
great thing is about me coming to the church I'm not thinking I'm in sin I can't tell them what's going on in my life I'm just talking to her I'm like
yeah I'm working in the club right now and she's like oh where so I tell her where she's like oh do you know this
this and this and I'm like yeah how do you know them cuz I'm like she's in a church she's like I used to work at the
club so it's crazy like the first interaction I'm having with this with someone at church is like this girl that used to work at the club so I'm like
what like that's I'm like so you know this person and this person and she's like yeah but you know I don't do that anymore I was like so now God speaking
to me because I'm seeing an example of somebody who used to work in those environments that's like not working in
them anymore it's like very weird to leave that environment and just not go back to it cuz it's like why would you
you have everything I talk to her then service starts and when service
started the pastor is talking about like our image right like our image on social
media our image like what people are seeing us as and he literally says these
exact words I have it on recording he goes yeah you look lit on Instagram but like what is it doing for people like
what is your Instagram really doing for people like is it leading people back to Jesus and I was like that's so crazy
because my whole thing is everyone thinks I'm happy and I'm literally dying so he puts a scripture up and the
scripture mind you never read the Bible didn't grew up in Sunday school I don't know who Moses I don't know who these people are I don't know that there's 66
books in the Bible I don't know anything right I just know he puts something up on the on the screen and it says uh what
is what good is it for a man to to gain the world but to lose his soul and I was
like I remember in that moment like I didn't even know this is like the word
of God this is scripture I'm just like yo that someone who wrote that that is exactly what I'm feeling so it's like
all it's like all the books I was reading all the new age everything I would read like good principles about
life and I'm like M but this this was different I was like that's good that's
exactly what I feel I feel like I'm losing myself even though I'm gaining everything I went up at the end for
prayer I went up at the end for prayer I was crying weeping and people prayed for me and I
like this is this is different than the girl I originally spoke to I don't know these people they don't know me and
they're praying for me and they know things about my life how how do they know even when I went to the psychic in
Toronto she didn't know details how these people that are praying for me know details so I was like what this is
crazy like how do you know and they were like it's God like God sees you like he wants a relationship with you so I
remember I left that day and I was like okay mind you when I was a new age I
always wanted to learn more about it so I'd always buy books Buy the the audio books the ebooks whatever always
learning more and more so in com just using my Common Sense what do Christians read the Bible so you know no one tells
Starting to Read the Bible For Myself
me download the Bible no one tells me stop working in the club no one tells me anything I'm just like what do
Christians do they read the bible let me learn more about what I just felt because what I just felt now I know is
the presence of God but at the time I didn't know at the time I just felt something so warm around me while he was
preaching I I I felt the word of God really entered my heart it just did something I knew that I knew that I knew
that I knew that that moment in church was different than when I went to Thailand to meet with a monk I knew it
was different than sitting with the psychic I knew it was different than praying the the Muslim the Islam prayer
I knew that what I experience was so different than anything else so I want
to learn more about it I download the Bible app I don't know what the New and Old Testament is I don't know anything I
just know well I don't understand this so I like typed in like how do I read
like Bible for Dummies and it was like Erv the easy to read version I said okay that's talking my language so I clicked
the Erv on the uver Bible app I was like oh I understand this is very good this is very good and I started reading about
how wide how long how high and how deep God's love is for
us I was like what what and I was just shocked why
does God love me I I I didn't understand it's very different than Islam you're not talking about how God loves you and
the love of God it's always make sure you pray make sure you don't sin this is wrong this is wrong like you
make sure you're covered make sure make sure make sure but now I'm reading about how God loves me and how wide and how deep and how high why and I was just
like this is good and so I kept reading more and I I remember that night I think I stayed up like 5 six hours just like
reading the Bible and I was like this is so crazy crazy like what this is crazy
and so I just remember my heart for the first time just felt like at peace and
so the next day I I didn't jump off the building but I was still
Realizing that Jesus is God
very not confused I was still very hesitant cuz I was said okay I'm reading this and this all sounds good and I just
experienced this at the church but Jesus are you really God because if you are my
family is going to s me like if you are like this is going to cost a lot if
you are and I said I need you to make it real to me like I need to know that to know that I know that you are God and
let me tell you how twisted the religion of Islam is the number one sin in their
religion is called shik shik and that is the number one sin it's that there's the
belief that there's more than one God which obviously in Christianity there's only one God but the way Muslim
people look at Christianity is that it's a polytheistic religion that the father Son and Holy Spirit are three different
there's three gods they they think it's three Gods so I was like in my mind I
was like if if Jesus um like isn't is if Jesus Is God i' I'm committing
right now like in Islam I'm committing the biggest unforgivable sin if I
believe that Jesus Is God because that's the belief that now I believe that there's God now that I believe there's
another God and so I was like very scared so I was like well obviously I didn't really like Islam growing up but
that's all I knew so I didn't want to go I didn't want to have the unforgivable sin on me but I also knew if Jesus
really is my family would look at me like I had just committed the unforgivable sin and was about to bring
shame on my entire family so the next week I went back to church
and I started reading my Bible more and more and it wasn't like some Audible
Voice but as I was reading the Bible I knew I just knew I just knew that I knew
that I knew that Jesus is God I I I can't explain it now I can with all that I
know now right the Theology of it all and you know but at the time I just knew that I knew that he's not a prophet I
was reading about the Miracles he was doing and I was like I never saw miracles in Islam I'm reading about the way he heals people and I'm like no this
can't just be another Prophet cuz even Muhammad wasn't doing what he's doing so I just knew that he was I knew he was
God and so now it's June of 2021 and I'm like okay I'm not going to
tell my family just yet I quit the club never went back to the club and now that I'm reading my my word more guess what
The Lord Begins Transforming Me
starts happening and as I'm going to church more no one tells me leave the club stop listen to this music stop I
would listen to my rap music in the car my Polo Jean Little Durk you know what I'm saying like my 42 Doug vibing and
I my ear started being bothered I'm like why so then I start stopped listening to
secular music and then I would put on my crop top and my and I'm like H I feel
like I shouldn't wear this no one's telling me to stop I start feeling conviction I don't know what conviction
is at the time I'm just like what's wrong am I crazy like why do I not like the things I used to love it's just
strictly the Bible the Bible's literally convicting me but it's bringing healing to me and so then as all this is going
the way I start dressing starts to change the way the way I'm I start I I sto listening to secular music now I'm
trying to search up uh music music about Jesus I don't know it's called worship or gospel I'm still so new to this music
about Jesus and now I'm listening and now I'm in the car playing gospel music and God is transforming me in this
process and in this proc process there was this one girl that I was working with um I ended up getting a job just at
like a Taria and uh there's this girl I'm working with I naturally thought she was cute I start you know talking to her
and then the Lord starts convicting me and even like making me realize like the desires even for a woman are not godly
and I was like whoa like really like I didn't know I did I didn't know you know
and so even at this point like God's literally within three months within three months
God is completely renewing my mind from how I view homosexuality how I view sex
before marriage secular music drinking June 17th 2021 was my last time getting
drunk I'm like over three and a half years sober from all alcohol nicotine um
drugs everything and even around that time I was very addicted to my My Jewel right like my nicotine little thing and
I remember I was like a fiend for it like before I even had a sip of water I'd always hit my My Jewel in the morning and I remember one I I I prayed
and I was starting to pray more and I said please like I don't want to do this anymore the very next day all in these
three months I went to hit it and some it the the taste just it was disgusting
I said I'm done with this no withdrawal symptoms from anything no withdrawal symptoms from the nicotine I've been
smoking for over 6 years supernaturally God did a work in me
people say well you know things don't happen overnight and sometimes they don't sometimes it's a process but do
not deny what God can do overnight because overnight he literally took the taste of something i' had been addicted
to for years but the the the the amazing thing about it all is I wasn't trying to
stop anything I was just starting my relationship with God and the rest just naturally supernaturally stopped and so
Getting Baptized, Being Shunned By Family
August 15th 2 days after my birthday I was like oh I want to get baptized you know that's what people do I was like I
want to get baptized I want the whole world to know I'm following Jesus cuz he's literally changing my life and so I
got baptized and my life was just God is so good like that that exact day a year
before in 2020 I was at the strip club celebrating my birthday month you know and now I'm getting baptized I remember
in front of my whole church I said my name is niden and I declared Jesus as the Lord and savior of My Life um in
front of this huge congregation I went in that water I came out and I just my life
was just getting better I didn't miss the club I didn't miss the world I it
just it was amazing so as you know as time went on uh I was like I have to
tell my family I have to tell my family uh I told my dad and over two years my
dad had me blocked completely off everything he attempted suicide for his
third time because he found out I was a Christian he said you you have brought F
you have brought shame to our family uh and he attempted suicide wouldn't talk to me was in the ICU and this was like
the worst attempt like my dad owned a perfume business and people had noticed he wasn't answering the phone for over
like a week the police L had to come and like break the glass of his business and go in the back they found a whole
suicide note about how you know he attempted because my daughter's a Christian I failed I failed in life and
so I found that out um my mom at the time had also like disowned me for like
over like a year and a half we weren't talking but during this time I'm praying I'm praying for my family I'm praying
that they would come to know Jesus and you know I I want so badly I wanted it
to hurt more them disowning me and and them choosing to walk away from me but I
was reading the scripture about how you know remember like if they hate you or if they persecute you they they hated me
first they persecuted me first you know and I'm reading in the scripture about how even Jesus himself came on this
Earth and people rejected him even though he was perfect and so even though I was like hurt by by
Forgiving My Family
their decision to disown me I had uh so much comfort in the scriptures you know
as I was reading the word and I knew that I knew that my prayer was powerful cuz if God could save me he could save
them just like literally childlike Faith so I'm praying for my dad and then the Lord starts to show
me you need to forgive your family for everything they've done you need to forgive your dad for the ways
she's abused you and I'm like no why don't you see what he's done don't you
see he's like you're praying for him you're not forgiving him need to forgive need to forgive you need before you pray
you need to forgive people that have hurt you you need to release your offenses and I sat there I remember I
cried and I was just like okay Jesus if you forgave me for entertaining married
men the all these different things that I've done I've you know I've I've LED people into sin I've LED people into
homosexual I've LED people just into corruption you forg why would you
forgive me I need to forgive cuz if he could forgive me who am I not to forgive my dad so I started forgiving him even
though I didn't want to say it out loud I said I'm going to say it I I I don't feel it but I'm going to say it I forgive my father for all the abuse he's
put me through I forgive him I forgive him I forgive him and as as I started to say that something would just break
something was break breing off me the rejection and the pain was breaking off me started to forgive my mom start to
forgive my family I started to forgive exes people in the past that have hurt me I started to forgive my bullies
people who had bullied me and made fun of me and I'm telling you God was just doing a supernatural work in my heart
The Lord Calls Me into Missions
and so around this time as I'm still interceding and praying for my family I am just running for God I am ready I'm
telling everybody let me tell you about Jesus like let me tell you cuz if he could do it for me he can do it for you and so I was like I I heard the Lord say
it's my first time ever hearing the audible voice of God and he I heard the word missions missions and I was like
missions I was like okay I was like what does that mean that's still like a I guess Christian e word I didn't know
what mission trips really were um and so I search it up and it's like not just like where you necessarily just go build
a house somewhere it's where you actually go somewhere and share the gospel I was like oh I want to do that
and something leapt in my spirit I just knew and so I went on my first mission trip and 2022 I went to Hawaii people think of
Hawaii no Hawaii needs the gospel cuz there's a lot of homeless people there's a lot of there's a lot of addiction out
there's a lot out there so I went to Hawaii for 3 months I was out there and then I went to Sweden for 3 weeks and
that was my first mission trip and I was just sharing the the love of Jesus I was praying for people and my life was just
amazing it was changing and you know at this time people from the past are like hey are you good like I haven't heard
from you like where are you and even the friends I used to have in the past I'm not even like God had put
such amazing people in my life at at my church so I wasn't like missing people in the past like the amazing thing about
what God did in my testimony is it wasn't just my life was empty it was God
started filling me it kind of reminds me of like when you have a cup of water and you start filling it up with something
like whatever's in that cup already it's G to like flow out as it gets filled with something else so as I started
reading the word and I started reading the Bible things started naturally just leaving but I started getting so much
more filled with what was coming in but I didn't even notice what had left I was just so happy about what was in front of me uh I had great friends I I I came
Meeting and Marrying My Husband
back and the Lord said hey I you took a break off school I want you to finish school I came back to school started
witnessing to people at at my college and uh from there you know I had met my
husband God is so good I met my husband and we got married and under a year of knowing each other
W okay under right year and it's so amazing right because when I first got saved back in you know in 2021 in
September of 2021 a month after my baptism I told the Lord Lord I've defiled my body I have slept with men
with women I done it all I just need I want I want to let you know I'm making a
covenant with you I am not going to kiss until I get married I'm not going to do it not because it was something
ritualistic or or religious I was like I want to earn brownie points in heaven I just knew that I knew that whoever the
man God had for me he was also going to respect that and we were not going to kiss until not engagement my wedding day
I said I've defiled you with my body in these years until I get married I want to honor you completely with my body the way I dress way I speak everything so
when I met my now husband we were just talking at the time I said just so you know as you can see I'm very like
straightforward I said just so you know I'm not kissing till wedding to my my wedding day I'm thinking he's going to
be like oh he's like really he was like I told the Lord I wanted the same thing I was like really
and so God is so good so so yeah we got married under a year of knowing each other and we didn't kiss until our
wedding day our pastor married us and it was so beautiful the peace of God the presence of God the glory of God was so
present in that moment I'm like oh my gosh I got married like less than two years serving the lord like this is really phenomenal this is really awesome
like I have a man that treats me with respect that loves me that loves the Lord that lead my family that prays for
me and uh my husband was also you know sober we're both sober and so yeah
things things are just so good so in this process like I said as I was praying for my family my mom and I still
My Dad Apologizes to Me
like not like really having communication but my dad after two years
sends me a text message and the text message is so long that you got to click it to go on the next page you know when
the message is so long if you know anything about a Muslim man apologies
don't really happen you know like especially from a father they don't really apologize to you my dad sent me
like maybe like five paragraphs of him apologizing to me for everything he had
done to me since I was a little girl everything everything he said I I
understand if you don't want a relationship with me but I love you I'm sorry I wasn't a good
father and I just knew that I knew like this could not have happened unless it was God himself tugging on this man's
heart maybe he thought you know like there's a story in the Bible where the prodical son in the Book of Luke and he
messes up his life and he he does all these things and he said oh my gosh if I go back to my father right now like
surely I'm going to have to do all these Works to get him to love me I've messed up so bad and maybe my dad thought the
same maybe he thought like my daughter's probably not even going to respond I called him I was like I love you I love
you because now I don't see my dad as the person who abused me and who poured gasoline on my head and who touched me
when I was a little girl I don't see him as the person who wouldn't feed me when I was hungry I see him now as someone
that God wants to reach I had a lie detector right here up to my arm they said do you fully forgive your father
there would not even be a 0 1% that would that that's a little bit of unforgiveness I have completely forgiven
my father I love him I see him with the eyes of the Lord and that's only only by
God like you cannot do that naturally it has to be the Lord but it's only because I understand how much I've been forgiven
of and so now my dad is currently still Muslim but he's going to be saved in jesus' name and now more than ever our
relationship is the best it's ever been ever and uh I you know I tell him I'm going to church and he's like I don't
like it but you know you know not you know try to kill himself so now even for him to even hear that I'm at church or
hey bue I can't talk right now I'm at church it's it's miraculous and so yeah um my mom and I still praying for her
Life with Jesus Now
but since my husband and I got married I want to tell you that when you come to Jesus it it it's not just a better life
it's a new life it's a brand new life like my life didn't just get better it
became new brand new the child that I that I didn't get to be as a little girl because of everything I grew up in now I
am so now at 21 years old that's really when childhood naen started like I'm
really still like a child now just learn how to walk like I'm enjoying my life like my life is like a big playground
now with the Lord and so my husband and I we start our own Ministry isn't that so cool is that so cool my husband and I
started our own Ministry it's called coal Ministries where we teach young adults just about the word of God and
how you know to grow in your relationship with him and that you have victory in Christ and that you don't have to look to the things of the world
to find satisfaction and God's given me the privilege of speaking on like many different stages sharing what he's done
for me we went to South Africa we went to Zimbabwe way on mission trips like
just God is so cool and you know even in the midst of the restoration with my dad
and and even my husband coming into my life in the midst of all this I would
say that the younger n Dean could not have imagined in a million years who I would
be today now if I feel something off spiritually remember how I told you I used to see demons oh I know what name
to call on it's the name of Jesus it is the name of Jesus it's the name above every other name that depression
has left me that anxiety has left me I was diagnosed with ADHD let me tell you something I graduated my bachelor's in
December and now I'm in Bible school okay I graduated kumlade no medication
cold turkey no medication no I don't even drink caffeine just the strength of God the
joy of the Lord has become my strength and now I'm just running for him excited
to share what he's done for me and that he could also do it for you amen amen
Prayer
naen with that excitement could you pray for those who are watching yes and desire that yes
yes so wherever you are right now whether you're in your car or your home or wherever you are just take a deep
breath so heavenly father I just pray right now for the person that's watching
this Lord even the speakers that are coming out of the phone or through the laptop where the where my voice is
echoing out into Lord I pray right now for your presence to go and fill that room to go and fill that space Lord Lord
I pray that people would encounter you right now in a way that they never have before Lord Lord I pray right now that
you Holy Spirit you would just convict people of any sin of every sin that's in their life Lord I pray Lord that you
would give them the strength the empowerment to do what pleases you that the taste of sin the desire to sin would
completely leave them right now in the name of Jesus Lord I pray that people would have visitations of who you are I
pray Lord that when people would read the Bible they'd have Revelation they'd say wow I didn't understand it but now I
understand it Lord I pray that you would remove the veil that people would see you as their lord and as their savior
Lord I I pray Lord that right now you would just do such a work in people's heart that you would heal people's heart
right now that right now on the opposite end of this screen people would just even pause it and say I forgive this
person I forgive that person Lord I pray that people would receive healing from from the others that have hurt them in
the past and Lord I Thank you that right now people are calling on your name the Bible says whoever calls on the name of
the Lord shall be saved so I thank you Lord that right now people are calling on the name of Jesus and accepting you
into their hearts in jesus' name May their life never be the same may they go from glory to glory and strength to
strength to strength in Jesus name amen amen
amen naen who is Jesus to you can I be so honest this is the most
this is the question I'm most excited for Jesus Is My
Savior he's not just the savior he's my savior he saved me he's yes he's the way
he's the truth he's the life he's the solution he's the answer but he's my savior he saved me I could have died I
could have died so many times in those suicide attempts and gone Straight to Hell nobody saved me he said I have a
Final Words
plan for you I'm saving you he saved me from addiction he saved me from homosexuality he saved me from the lust
of the world he saved me he saved me and he wants to save you he is the savior
there's no other savior trust me I tried to find a savior in a man or in a woman or in new age or in Islam he is the only
savior he's the only one that could save your soul so he's My Savior Jesus Christ
is my Lord and Savior n any last words for those who
are listening watching your testimony at this moment
you are never too far gone you are never ever too far gone for
God's love mercy and Grace he is ready to welcome you with open arms just call
on him just call on him he loves you he has a beautiful plan for your life you
are not alone and you know the the devil is the father of Lies he is he's not just a
liar he's the father of Lies but Jesus is the way that truth and the
life so whatever lies you may be hearing I want you to know that when you accept
Jesus when you look to Jesus you find truth truth about who your identity is truth about what God wants you to do
next in your life Jesus is the way the truth and the life and when you go to him he'll accept
you with open arms amen
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Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
耶 穌 對 他 說 ： 你 要 盡 心 、 盡 性 、 盡 意 愛 主 ─ 你 的 神 。
—— Matthew 22:37 —— 馬 太 福 音 22:37